Christmas Morning

Michael opened the door and closed it gently behind him, the crisp air catching in his nostrils caused him to pull his coat tighter around his slight frame. It was early Christmas morning and as usual he had not been able to rest, his head filled with lists of things to do and of course melodies to remember. But this night seemed to be filled with memories and unrequited dreams. He purposefully walked past the tree and made his way to Louie’s barn to sit with him a moment.

The Llama was in kush, his legs folded tightly underneath him and his head high in the air, sleeping soundly when Michael entered the barn. He rested his arms over the side of the stall and watched his favorite pet as he slept and wondered what Llama’s dream about. He laughed to himself and thought that maybe it could be even fun things like packing out for camping trips in the mountains with his human friends. Louis heard Michael’s giggle and opened his eyes and rose to join his friend. When he reached the rail he seemed to sense the loneliness and rested his head on his shoulder, where in turn Michael rested his on Louie’s. It was such a simple scene of friendship, understanding and love.

Michael fed Louie a treat and took a walk around Neverland. His perpetually decorated ranch looked so cheerful especially at night, but he felt so sad inside. He knew that by now he should be over it, over the loss and heartache. He should be moving on and finding someone new. He made the leap with Kim and that satisfied his body but not his heart. Diana had come back and he had been so tempted to tell her yes and be with her, God he still loved her. But, he realized that the love he had for her was nothing compared to what it supposed to be like when it is mutual and not self serving. Diana would always be dear to him and hold a special place in his heart, but that was over now…forever. He knew they would be friends, and that would have to be enough. What he needed to figure out now is how to celebrate Hunter instead of still grieve for her. Two years should be enough…right?

His walk brought him to the foot of the sycamore tree or “The Giving Tree” as he now called it. He didn’t even bother to climb it; he just sat down on the grass outside the flower bed now richly covered in Red Carnations and Red Roses, the thought of their time in Spain always made him catch his breath. Michael made sure that even if the weather was poor, the gardener kept the flowers fresh year round. He knew that they thought it was an eccentricity of his, and it actually made him smile…he laughed knowing that she would think it was funny too. God, he missed her laugh, the way she would just throw her head back and let it out. Her green eyes would shine and sparkle and her smile would melt his heart.

Michael lay back on the grass and wiped a tear away from his eye. He imagined them sneaking down to place the gifts under the tree right about now for their baby. She would have been a year and half….really ready to tear into the paper and play with the boxes. He would have loved to be Santa, and decorate the tree with her and so…so much more.

Michael watched the huge sky over him and the stars seemed to pulsate with a different energy and a special vibrancy. The moon was big and full and he half expected to see Santa silhouetted against it with the reindeer pulling his sled on the way home to the North Pole. Suddenly as if to comfort him a falling star as big as the sky shot across his view, lighting up the night. It burned hot and bright till it finally faded gently away. Was this Michael’s Christmas star? Was it his sign that she still survived in another place? The emotions welled up in him and he cried like he hadn’t done so since the day he read the news, he had bottled it all up for so long pushing it down and only allowing it to peek through from time to time. However, on this night of forgiveness and renewal he let it all go. The guilt for allowing her to go to Australia in the first place, the guilt for not being there for her Mother, the guilt for not being able to say goodbye to her. All of it came out in crushing waves of grief and frustration, if only he had one more day to tell her how much he cared…just one more day.

Dawn started to stretch her fingers over the mountains of the Santa Ynez and Michael wiped his eyes and rubbed his legs to get the circulation moving again. As he walked back to the house he looked back over the property and thanked God for all that he had been given and even all that he had lost. He realized that even in that short time that he had her, he had more than some experience in a lifetime of searching.

As he returned to his room he sat on the edge of his bed and reached over and turned on the lights to the little Christmas tree…it had made it back from Japan in good shape and he made sure that he had put it in his room every year since. He heard her words in his head and smiled at the memory:

“Just a tree Michael, we can start with a tree”

The End

Merry Christmas everyone…thanks for reading!

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DangerousPYT,

Where making it passionate is what we urge you to do everyday. Life is too short...sing, dance, play and most of all L.O.V.E.