Victim of Love: X

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Love Dangerous!

Victim Of Love: X

August 2002

The whir of the camera taking pictures was in stark contrast to the chattering of the birds that flitted from wire to wire above the parking lot of the restaurant. The convoy of black Escalades surrounded the Land Rover in a precision dance at an ordinary mall in Chatsworth on an ordinary summer afternoon in August. Taking a deep breath the photographer tried to steady his hand; sure that his money shot was forthcoming. Alas all he ever snapped in his frame was the flurry of umbrellas that snapped open and a burly bodyguard type standing between the vehicles. In moments it was over and the parade of SUV’s moved away into the bright afternoon sun, again leaving the photog wondering what mystery the bizarre superstar was hiding behind the darkened tint of his glasses. He was positive he had a new playmate, another youngster that spent an inordinate amount of time with him at his ranch and was bought and paid for with money and riches from greedy parents who only wanted to be exposed to the lifestyle. Snapping a final picture of the Land Rover before it drove off making sure he got a good shot of the tag, he wanted to show his boss that he finally had that lead they had been looking for all this time.

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Michael sat back against the leather of the seat missing Alannah and the sweet sound of her chattering voice. Lexi had apparently become involved in her new life and he probably needed to move on too.  He was thinking about finishing up the last album for the label, or even perhaps working on the films he had thought about for so long ….maybe even trying to meet someone new. He missed her terribly though; especially during the moments when Alannah was around and all the kids were playing, or at night when his body ached for her touch. It hadn’t mattered what he had done to satiate the longing…Grace, Diamond, the magazines –  he was still alone when it was over, and the ache still weighed heavy in his heart.

The handmade birthday card sparkled in his hand and he looked at it again as the convoy sped away from the airport. Alannah’s puffy clouds against the blue sky and the limbs of the Giving Tree that sported bright red ribbons for his birthday brought another smile to his face as he read the large childish scrawl inside:

Have the best Happy Day ever

I Love you Poppa

Michael glanced behind him, making sure the car with the kids was safely following him through the heavy traffic. Dreading the stay at Trump’s Hotel this time, it just seemed too contain too many memories and too much pride stood in his way and so he ignored the continued ache in his heart and reached for the Hennessy. A quick escape before he had to put on a brave face in front of the world.

___________________________________________________

“But they told me it was for the award, I wouldn’t have come all the way here to get a cake. That’s just stupid; I can have cake at my home, with my children.”

Michael’s voice was soft, but cold and cynical as he spoke on the phone to his management.

“I’m done, for twenty years now I have been more than happy to be there for that network but I’m done….and I want you to tell them that. You can tell them my videos are off too.”

“Of course…of course I am. I’m totally serious.”

His voice raised in pitch and finally exclaimed,

“When I’m gone, THAT’S when they can put them back on the air!”

Pushing the end button on his cell he disconnected before he said anything else he might regret. The prior night’s award ceremony was supposed to be a fun evening and a celebration for the fans. But the network had apparently pulled a bait and switch by not actually bestowing the promised Artist of the Millennium award on him but merely presenting him with a large birthday cake. Things had been rushed as he came on stage that he was as lost in the confusion as Britney. Lost, alone, shy and afterwards overwhelmed with embarrassment. Now he was angry, angry at being a doormat once again for someone else’s gain and amusement.

“Grace!”

His voice was loud and echoed through the suite.

She appeared silently, waiting on his order,

“Pack our things, we are leaving. I need to get out of here.”

Grace’s eyes narrowed,

“Where are we going?”

As he brushed past her and made his way to the bedroom he softly said,

“I’m going to Mexico.”

_______________________________________________________

Their bags were stacked by the front door to the suite and Grace worked on the final packing for the kids. Paris played with a doll and Prince had his remote control car zooming through the rooms and between the feet of the adults at break neck speed. Holding Blanket after he had eaten his lunch, Michael cooed and made faces at his son. The flurry of telephone calls had quieted down after the initial change of plans and the redirecting the Michael Jackson machine back towards California. Now they enjoyed a nice happy moment as they all waited to make their way back home before Michael ventured south of the border.

But as happy moments tend to get interrupted, this one did and Michael’s phone rang in his pocket and distracted him from his playtime with Blanket.

“No”

“No, I am not expecting anyone, we are about to leave.”

“On this floor?”

It was then that he heard the disruption outside the door and he flipped the phone closed knowing exactly who it was before the security staff even had a chance to fill him in.

“Grace take Blanket.”

Reaching out for the baby she moved behind the dining table protectively as Michael moved to the suites front door. The raised voice in the hallway sounded irritated and to Michael it seemed like it had only been a few months since he had last heard the sound in his ears,

“Get off me, get the hell off me!”
She was about to push the bodyguard away when Michael stepped into the hall,

“It’s alright, she can come in.”

The body guard received a chilling look as she side stepped around him and then her face lit up at the sight of Michael.

“I know I should have called. I really need to see you though.”

He stared at her coldly, doing all he could not to let any of his feelings show. Not his temper, his pride, the hurt or as hard as it was to admit…the of love he still felt inside. He held it all in and just clenched his jaw slightly before he finally answered,

“Why are you here Lisa, shouldn’t you be on your honeymoon?”

_____________________________________________________

It had been an eternity since he had heard the audible sound of Grace’s gasp come from inside the suite as he waited at the door. An eternity since he sent everyone away to shop and an eternity since he had poured himself a glass of wine as Lisa Marie sat across from him in what felt like the smallest luxury suite in all of New York City.

“Michael I can’t believe I did this, that I rushed into this marriage. How can I get out of it?” Her voice was deep but unsure.

“Leave him and get a divorce.” He replied and then mumbled “You seemed to have left me pretty easy.”

“What did you say?”

“I said you left me pretty easy.”

Standing, she began to pace the room.

“I came back though…for years, FOR YEARS.”

“How can I help you, things are kind of crazy for me right now too.”

Michael shifted uneasily on the couch and took a drink off of the wine glad for its diversion.

Lisa stopped her pacing and stared out of the window at the picturesque view of Manhattan before finally returning to the couch where she sat down beside him,

“Are you alone…I mean, are you seeing anyone right now Michael?”

She had caught him by surprise. He hadn’t expected her of all people to drop her guard so quickly,

“Well um…the girl, the woman I was with, you know…we just broke up. Not really by my choice though.”

“What do you mean by that? Who are you talking about, do I know her?”

Again he took a drink from the wine but stared straight ahead.

“Michael, who is it?”

“It doesn’t matter. I think it’s over, I am on my way to see her when we leave here to try and work it out…but I dunno girl.”

Sighing with realization, Lisa sat back and closed her eyes understanding just who he was talking about.

“So the Doctor is the baby’s Mother?”

His lips pursed together as he nodded and flicked a piece of fuzz off of his black pants.

“Lexi, the ghost of our relationship is still around?”

“Yeah, I ran into her in LA a few months after you and me broke up for good….I found out that she had a baby, our baby. We have a little girl. She is…um she is a few months older than Prince.”

Reflecting for a moment on his words, the realization of his revelation sank in, but as it did he saw hurt and anger cloud her eyes.

“Wait, a few months older? You…you, Michael! That would mean that we, that we….”

He finished her sentence for her,

“…yeah that we were still married. True in the legal sense Lisa, but it was the week before I left for Brazil, The week before you filed for divorce. We hadn’t really been Husband and Wife in months.”

“I can’t believe you, you were fucking not just the baby maker but now after all this time you tell me this? That you had been having another affair too”

“Don’t you dare talk about Alexis, Lisa, I swear to god…don’t even start.”

Her stunned silence sat heavy between them for several tense minutes until she finally spoke.

“How did you end up with your new son Michael?”

“We have an agreement.”

Michael began to feel uncomfortable discussing the baby and stood to pour another glass of wine, but she followed right behind him.

“You have two children with her now? Is that right?”

Lisa was right on his heels and reached out for his hand,

“Michael…please talk to me.”

“LISA!”

Very familiar with the tone in his voice she automatically shrunk back knowing he was on the edge of exploding. It wasn’t something he was proud of but something he did when he was hurt, scared and most especially angry.

Taking a deep breath, Michael swallowed down a gulp of wine and turned to her,

“You know, she thinks I am stuck on Diane, you think I am stuck on her, Debbie always knew I was stuck on you. Lisa if you think you are going to divorce Nick and that I am going to take you back, I can assure you it is not going to happen.”

“Is that why you think I came here today Michael?”

“Well isn’t it?”

“Damn it, I don’t need you to save me Michael.”

His eyes looked at her up and down, slowly assessing her as he gathered his thoughts,

“You don’t?”

Michael took a step in front of Lisa blocking her path. Lifting her hand up to his mouth he looked at the lavish ring upon her finger and placed his lips upon it as he stared in her eyes. Her body stiffened but she didn’t resist when he leaned in pressing her into the wine rack,

“Tell me why you are here then Lis…why did you run back to me?”

“I, I…I want you…Michael, god…”

Brushing her hair behind her ear, he whispered against it,

“So that’s it, you want me? You show up wearing my jewelry on your finger, my perfume on your neck, and my clothes on your back…should I take you right here Lisa?”

Moving to find his lips she moaned her response, reaching for his shoulders to pull him close.

“Mmmm girl, Lisa…it’s been so long. You’ve been missing this huh?”

“Yeah…Michael fix this, fix us.”

“Is that what you want then Lis…you want us again?”

“Yes Michael, I want us. I want you, I’m so unhappy.”

Michael kissed her deeply, allowing himself to fall back in the memories of times gone by. His body reacted to her touch and his mind sorted through the emotions that seemed to be clouding his judgment.

Feeling her touch upon his chest he was startled to hear her say,

“I only married him to get back at you.”

Michael’s eyes closed, even as his lips pressed against her neck,

“Pardon?”

“I just wanted to get your attention Michael, you know so you would realize that you still cared. That’s why I married him.”

Stepping back Michael rubbed his thumb over her swollen bottom lip, trying to control the disappointment that was building inside of him.

“Lisa, I will never stop loving you, I told you that… years ago I told you that?”

“No…Michael don’t, your drunk. You don’t want to do this again.”

Her eyes reflected the look of his remorse and rejection he had held onto for so long.

“I’m a weak man, you know that Lis especially when it comes to you. But you made your decision to marry him. I have my family now, and I want to be with her somehow, I want to work it out.”

Suddenly she lashed out, pushing him away violently,

“Fuck you, you son of a bitch. You drunk son of a bitch, if I would have kept my mouth shut you would have fucked me on the bar…but your god damn pride is too much for you. Fuck you.”

“Lisa….it’s not like that, come on we are adults.”

“No! Bullshit. You manipulated me and deliberately made me vulnerable just so you could reject me again.”

Her tears began to flow freely and she moved to find her purse,

“I’m leaving, just forget I was ever here. Forget I was ever in your life Michael.”

“How can I ever do that? Damn it Lis, I was crazy about you…I do miss you and the kids.”

Her eyes cut him in two,

“You are so full of shit….”

Michael pulled her in for a final kiss, his hands caressing her face while his lips softly moved over hers. When he finally pulled back she saw the tears that stained his cheeks,

“Lisa Marie, no matter what you think I will always love you….even if I can’t be with you.”

“Why do you always rip my heart out Michael, I don’t think I can ever forgive you.”

“I didn’t ask you to come over here today…”

Moving towards the door Lisa paused before she opened it,

“You know if she’s smart, your little Doctor won’t take you back…how many times can you break her heart too Michael? I can only imagine what you have done to hurt her.”

He finally felt the annoyance that had threatened to invade their conversation sink in and he let it out with a acid tongue reply,

“Well Lisa, the difference between Lexi and you, is that she gave me the babies she promised me and you didn’t. Good luck with Nick.”

With one last go to hell look she slammed the door and was gone. Michael sunk back down onto the couch wondering what had just happened. Wondering why she had ran back to him again. There had been a moment when he almost had slipped and let her in, dropping his guard and making love to her just like the old days.

He wondered where it had all went wrong for them, there had been a time when they had loved each other so hard it was impossible to imagine having ever loved anyone else. Perhaps that’s what the problem was, too hard, too fast, too hot, and too late. He had to focus on the future even with the bite of her kiss still lingering on his lips….

_______________________________________________

Waiting in the Escalade on the tarmac for their luggage to be loaded, Michael smiled as the country code and phone number from Mexico rang though on his cell,

“Hola Babygirl”

“Poppa?”

“Yes, how are you. I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“What have you been doing?”

“Well, today was really fun. Do you wanna know why?”

Michael giggled, the sound of her voice making him happy,

“We went sailing on the ocean and I saw dolphins.”

“Really? Was it a family of them?”

“Yeah, they were jumping and swimming by the boat.”

“Wow, that’s great.”

Security swung open the back door of the Escalade and Michael climbed out and up the stairs of the plane,

“What else did you see?”

“Not much, but Patrick says we will go look for whales next time. He says they come with their babies.”

“I see, Patrick is a boat man ‘lannah?”

“Oh, well he has a big sailboat. But he has a motorcycle and an airplane too. Just like you Poppa?”

“Oh OK”

“He told me that he wants to be Mommy’s boyfriend.”

Michael sat down quickly, letting Grace attend to the children for the moment.

“What does Mommy think about that?”

“She likes him; you know how I know Poppa?”

Michael felt like he was going to be sick and grasped the armrest of his seat,

“No Baby, how is that?”

“I saw them kiss last night when they thought I was asleep.”

“Um ‘lann…”

Michael’s voice caught from emotion and he had to clear it and start over,

“’Alannah, I have to hang up now because the airplane is going to take off. I will call you tomorrow OK?”

“Oh OK Poppa, I love you.”

“I love you more…and Babygirl?”

“Yes?”

“Tell your Mommy I love her too please.”

“I will, bye”

“Bye”

His voice was barely audible when he hung up the phone and he only took a moment before he stood and approached the cabin and asked to speak to the Captain.

____________________________________________

With a nod the flight attendant placed the can of soda in front of him as he picked up his cell for one final call,

“Hi it’s Michael”

“Yeah, I want to do it…thanks. I think it’s a really great song Barry.”

“We can work on it in your studio then?”

“ Great!”

“Ok, I will see you tomorrow.”

Again he hung up the phone, powering it down for the flight just as the Captain came over the intercom.

“Ladies and Gentleman…on behalf of your crew I would like to welcome you aboard our flight. We have had a change of plans this evening. So instead of heading to California will be heading south to beautiful Miami, Florida. Our flight time is approximately two hours and forty five minutes. Sit back, relax and enjoy your flight.”

Sipping off of the wine in the soda can he closed his eyes, trying to block out the thought of Lexi moving on with her life. Knowing another man was spending time with his daughter, becoming the figure in their lives that they were beginning to look up too. He felt so alone, so lost and like Lisa had earlier in the day he too wished he had somewhere to run.

*************************************************************

The pinch of the needle pierced the vein

Crimson ribbons drop like rain

If only the ache of you would leave my soul

Whispers of dreams

Never seeming to unfold

Living only to exist

Surviving only to be

My love, my life

Will you ever see

You..yes you are the best part of me

…..The warm rays of the sun faded into the sea as the medicine gently took its effect, leaving only sweet memories and the ever present pain far behind.

To Be Continued

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Where making it passionate is what we urge you to do everyday. Life is too short...sing, dance, play and most of all L.O.V.E.