End of Innocence: I

We had stuff to deal with here…but I guess you all know that.

End of Innocence: I

May 5, 1993

July 1993

August 23, 1993

It was just an ordinary stuffed animal. A yellow duck, sewn so that it laid flat and made with special fabric so that it was soft, cuddly and could be held or slept on if need be. To most people it looked like a rubber ducky, the kind children all over the world play with at bath time, but this duck was special. It had been tucked away in a cabinet once upon a time, waiting for their family’s special moment that never arrived. She had thought that she was the only one who knew about the duck, that she was the only one who would secretly pull it out of its hiding place and imagine what could have been…but she wasn’t. He had done it too, a funny little secret they kept from each other over almost a year. The duck held the tears of a superstar and the dreams of his broken hearted love. Every agent in Hollywood should buy their talent a duck…it would run the tabloids out of business.

…and so the duck sat on her lap, shaking ever so slightly with the bus as it made its way toward Glendale. Toward what would become an annual pilgrimage to contemplate unfulfilled dreams and unanswered prayers.

It was a perfect spring day, if she had been anywhere else she would have noticed the sunshine on her face and the birds singing in the trees. But all she could sense was the ache of her empty arms and the hole still in her heart. The empty space beside his great grandmother would never have a marker; they told her there would be too many questions from the press. She didn’t think it was fair, he should be remembered. Lexi wiped her eyes and softly said to her son, “I won’t forget you Brandon, I promise…I will always remember.”

“So will I…I will always remember Alexis”

Digging her fingers into the duck, she kept her back to him and took a deep breath. “I…I’ll be gone soon. So you can pay your respects.”

“I’ve already been here. I wanted to see you, to…to talk to you.”

“I can’t do this today Michael, please don’t make me do this today.”

He heard the pain in her voice and he couldn’t help but reach out for her. Michael sat down and started to push her hair back from her face.

“Don’t..please don’t, I’m…I”

Jerking his hand back he felt his heart pounding in his chest, “Will you at least go back to the car with me? I have some of your things.”

“Are you here just to mess with me Michael?”

The silence that fell between them was like a huge wall. Michael stared at the perfect patch of grass in front of him and felt the tears gather in his eyes. All he wanted was to hold Lexi and cry but he was trying to be strong and it wasn’t working.

“No…of course not. I flew back from Atlanta this afternoon. I was there with President Carter for the charity, but Lex…I needed to be here today, for you, for me…for us….for our son”

“There is no more us Michael. I’m leaving it’s getting late.”

Lexi grabbed the duck and her purse and started to walk away before he saw that she was blinded by tears. He couldn’t let her go, he wouldn’t let her go…he had waited too long to finally see her. He deserved an explanation.

Bolting after her he grabbed her arm, “No more us? Why? How dare you just leave with no explanation? What the hell is your problem Lexi?”

“Get off of me, don’t touch me. I swear to god.”

“Get in the car Alexis, we need to talk.”

“Go to hell.” Lexi had made her way up the road and saw the limo he was talking about parked there.

Suddenly he picked her up and carried her to the limousine. She thought she could fight him but she realized that all she wanted to do was to melt into his arms. As he slid into the seat she heard him tell the chauffer to drive as she finally broke down in tears.

“Shhhh, baby… shhhh. I’ve got you.” Michael held her to his chest, caressing her hair and rubbing her back.

“I just want to go back Michael, I want everything OK…I wanna go back.” Lexi’s sobs filled the car and Michael rolled up the privacy glass and killed the intercom system. “I know baby, me too. Shhhh.” His own tears fell and he sniffled loudly as he used the back of his hand to wipe her eyes. Looking down into her face he saw her hurt and heartache, not just over Brandon but whatever had caused her to leave. Their eyes seemed to pierce into each other’s souls, and he couldn’t help it when he bent his head and his lips grazed hers. She didn’t resist him so he kissed her harder, their passion evident as she reached for him and pulled him closer.

Lexi parted her lips as his tongue pushed them open. Both of them began to breathe harder and his hands tangled in her hair and eventually found her face. Her tears still stained her cheeks and he wiped them away as he gently laid her back on the seat. His mouth slid across her jaw and found its way to her neck where he brought his mouth to her ear and gently whispered, “You’re everything to me, please come back.” Her eyes filled with fresh tears and as he sensed what she was going to say he silenced her with a kiss, if he couldn’t convince her with words he would show her with actions.

His kiss became almost frantic, he was afraid she might change her mind and push him away, so he reveled in her and the feel of her body. He had missed her smell, her taste…the curve of her waist. Michael was overcome with emotion and passion; he pushed her skirt above her hips and took her panties down. She was just as caught up in the moment, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down his hips. Michael took off one of his shoes and a leg of the jeans before grasping her by the waist. His words were thick with desire as he entered her, “I need you Alexis, you’re like the air I breathe.” Her gasp as he entered filled his ear and sent shivers up his spine. He felt her legs wrap tightly around his hips as he started to thrust and he felt his shaft enlarge even more. “Michael…aye” Lexi’s voice dripped with desire as she pushed up to meet him and her eyes seemed powerless against his as he moved inside her stroke after stroke. “This feels so right baby….” Michael’s lips found her neck and he sucked on her pulse point, biting gently till she cried out. “Te amo…Te amo”.  Lexi looked up again into his eyes and saw his tears, as he whispered back, “Te amo.” Clutching onto his arm she knew she was at her peak. Arching towards him, her eyes rolled back slightly and he felt her muscles contract. He couldn’t take it any longer and came deep inside her. His shuddering climax thundered in the cabin of the limo like a springtime storm.

They lay for a long time just locked together not wanting to break the magical spell that had been cast even momentarily over them. Eventually though Michael sat up and pulled his jeans on and helped Lexi get settled. They both sat in silence watching the traffic go by somewhere near Pasadena when Michael finally spoke. “I um, I have some stuff for you.” Pulling her skirt down again Lexi mumbled. “I thought I got everything before I left. You can just send it to my Mom’s” Michael was crushed he had hoped that maybe she might forgive him. She just told him she loved him. “Lexi, I….uh” deciding he would wait a moment to discuss what had just happened he picked up the envelope. “Here this is what I was talking about.”  Taking the large envelope she opened it and tossed it back down. “I don’t want it; I told you that in the beginning.” Rolling his eyes Michael tried to stay calm, “It’s too late, and everything is changed over to your name, all the property in Santa Monica, the car, all of it. I took it out of the corporation, so I have nothing to do with it Alexis. Sell it for all I care. You deserve a decent place to live and a car to drive. There are a couple of other things in there too, but you can read it when you get to where ever it is you are staying.” She didn’t speak she just picked the envelope up and put it on her lap.

“We still need to talk about what happened. I…Lex, I am so confused.” Looking out the window Lexi spoke softly. “There is nothing to be confused about Michael. You decided to change our plans…you broke your promise.”

“What promise? What did I do?”

“You found yourself a family Michael?”

“What? Is this about the boy?”

“It’s about what happened that morning, and what I am sure had been happening for awhile. Nice bracelet she had by the way.”

Lexi felt her tears start again and she couldn’t believe she was in Pasadena so far from home.

“Babe, they are just my friends. Listen we can go by there right now and you can talk to them. I swear to you.”

“Mentiroso, you’re a damn liar Michael.”

He was stunned, why would she just come out of left field with such weird behavior?

“Why are you so jealous of her?”

“Are you kidding me? Why? Why? That puta bitch is naked in your bed and I am not supposed to care.”

“What the hell are you talking about? She has never been in my bed Alexis.”

“Stop lying, I saw her with my own eyes, in your bed…OUR bed at The Ranch.”

“You’re crazy’

“Screw you Michael!”

“What happened to you Lex…why would you say such things?”

“So, you don’t believe me?”

“I don’t know, I think maybe…maybe you should talk to somebody. You were pretty stressed that week.”

“I know what I saw, I saw her in your bed with no clothes on. She had on an expensive bracelet that you had apparently just given her. It makes me wonder how many times I should have shown up early before that morning.”

“It’s not true, it never happened.”

“Oh really? Then where’s the bracelet. I guess you are going to tell me it is mine.”

“It is…er was.”

“Oh?”

“When you left, I didn’t want to see it anymore so I…”

“So you what, gave it to her? How convenient!”

“Yeah, I gave it to June.” Michael’s voice was barely audible as he thought about the bracelet and how June seemed to know exactly how to clasp it to her wrist even though it was quite unique.

Trying to shake it off he turned to Lexi, “Please let me try to prove to you that this is some kind of mistake. I did not let that woman in my bed, there has to be a reasonable answer for this Lex.”

“You are not going to find an answer Michael, I know what I saw.”

“I want to try, please let me try.”

“I want to go now. Can you drop me off by the campus please?”

“Come home with me Alexis; please work this out with me.”

“There is nothing to work out; I don’t think you will change Michael.”

His emotions finally overwhelmed him and he pushed her against the frame of the door. “Don’t tell me you don’t care anymore Alexis.” His mouth hovered over hers as he stared into her eyes. “You just gave me your body freely and told me you loved me. I can feel it Lex…stop this stupid game and come home.” He kissed her again, just to prove to her he was right. Just to make her feel the emotion down to her core. “When he brought his head up he saw her lips were full and ripe, he wanted to take her again. No, take her away, talk some sense into her until she realized he loved her.

“Michael…I do love you. I will always love you. But I can’t trust you, you broke my heart.”

It was as if a floodgate opened for him and all his hope that he had for them melted away. Michael buried his face on her chest and wept. Tears for not understanding, tears for the love he had for her, and tears for the pain he saw in her eyes….and for the first time she didn’t cry. She just held him tight and thought about everything that had gone wrong.

The limousine pulled up close to the campus and they both sat wondering what to say to each other until Michael finally spoke. “Here are the keys to the car and stuff. Don’t worry I didn’t keep a copy of anything.” He handed her a ziplock bag full of the items she had left on the bed. Lexi noticed the keys to his properties and started to speak but he cut her off, “No, I want you to have them. Just in case.” Her ring was there too and she bit her lips trying to not become emotional seeing it all gathered together again. “Oh, here these are yours too.” Reaching across the seat Michael picked up a bouquet of flowers and handed them to Lexi. “Sunflowers? Why sunflowers Michael?” Her question was almost lilting as she looked at him waiting on his answer. “You left your wedding magazines at The Hideout…I saw what you wrote beside that article. You remember where you said they make you happy? I just want to make you happy girl. That’s all I ever wanted.” “We had happy times Michael, you did make me happy. You know that.” He nodded his head and gritted his teeth, “Yeah we have…we sure have had happy times. Listen I am out of the country next week, I have to go to Monte Carlo for some awards show….and then when I get back I need some surgery so if you need anything call Miko. I wrote his number in that paperwork.” Lexi frowned as she asked, “Surgery? For what?” Shrugging slightly he replied, “My scalp, you know they still have to do some work on it and they think it might help my headaches.” Timidly she placed her hand over his, “I hope it helps Michael, I know how much it bothers you.” Michael looked down and grasped her fingers in his, “I’m scared Lex…this time I’m scared….and now I don’t even have you.” “I can talk to the Doctor…” Michael turned to her, “No, I need you there as my wife not my consultant.” Again silence filled the car until as Michael looked down at their intertwined hands he noticed one final link. His deep sigh shook in his chest and he prayed he wouldn’t break down again as he pulled his hand away from hers. “I guess I almost forgot this. I know how much it means to you, I could never keep it.” Michael pulled Lexi’s fathers wedding ring from his hand and placed it in her palm. He hoped she would refuse it, give it back and tell him she changed her mind and that she was over reacting but she just blinked slowly and opened the car door.

“I have to go, I…I just have to go.”

She grabbed all the things and stepped out onto the curb closing the door behind her. As she walked away she heard the limo pull off, her eyes were welling with tears and she stumbled slightly dropping the duck and stopped to pick it up….her knees buckled and she collapsed with a new flood of tears cascading down her face.

Michael took one last look at her as she walked off and saw a woman who never looked back….as he turned around in the seat he missed her collapsing to the concrete in anguish.

________________________________

It was July and hot as she climbed in the Mercedes and checked behind her as she started to back out at Vons. Her groceries were meager in the trunk but she was happy to have them and even though she had been reluctant to accept it, glad to be back at the house in Santa Monica. The only things missing when she returned were her picture and the wedding dress she had torn apart. She had no idea what he did with the picture but he had replaced the dress and a new one hung in a bag in the closet with a note attached that said:

You were never more beautiful than the night you wore this.

I love you,

Michael

She thought about the note again now safely tucked away, as she drove home. The night they stood together by the pool…how far away it all seemed. She had called Miko and he told her that Michael was fine after the surgery but that he didn’t see him much and thought that he was staying with “the family”. He begged her to talk to Michael but she told him they had said all that needed to be said. Asking her to reconsider one more time and she promised she would and left it at that. It had been a week since that conversation and she still didn’t know what to do, so she went about the day to day things. Like shopping for groceries and staring at her phone, and doing laundry and picking up the phone. The temptation to call was great, but what she deemed to be her common sense always seemed to win out. She drank herself into a haze over the July 4th holiday. She decided she hated fireworks now, she never wanted to see another one. She couldnt believe that she didnt stand on their hill and marry him…it hurt so badly.

For some reason it scared her, she had gotten used to sleeping through the night. So when the ring of the telephone occurred she jumped and sat up for a moment before answering.

Hello

Silence was her reply

Hello!!

It was then that she heard it, a tiny sob that made her heart catch in her throat.

Michael?

Yeah…its me.

Why are you calling?

Now she could tell he was in full blown tears.

Lex, you were right. I was foolish. I don’t know what to do.

What are you talking about?

They…they want money. He said horrible things..lies.

What things..Michael, tell me.

I cant, Lexi…please believe me I never did it. I never..never

Lexi could barely understand him through his sobs and she was afraid for him.

Michael whatever it is it will be alright.

I’m leaving, I have to go. I just wanted to tell you I love you. Please don’t believe what you hear…and baby I never slept with her. Trust me.

Michael, wait. How can I reach you….

The line went dead and she stared into the darkness. She dialed *69 on the phone but the number was blocked. Her imagination ran away with her and the only thing she could think of was that June was pregnant and was accusing Michael of being the father. Not caring how late it was she called Miko, but his phone had been disconnected…she was cut off.

______________________

Spreading her books on the dining room table Lexi switched on the television to hear the news as she studied. She had been glad to leave early as she had a test in the morning and could use the extra hour studying. Her highlighter hovered over her textbook and she had her glass of juice up to her lips when she heard an anchor cut in to the broadcast with breaking news. Lexi turned in her seat and was shocked to see the front entrance to Michael’s Los Angeles apartment appear on the screen. Quickly she hurried to the living room and turned up the sound.

Superstar Michael Jackson’s Los Angeles residence is being searched at this hour by LAPD detectives. We are being advised that a statement from one of Mr. Jackson’s advisors is being released. Yes it has just crossed the wire now…Mr. Pellicano claims the investigation involves “abuse’ and “extortion gone awry”. We will have more on this breaking story…..

Lexi didn’t hear the rest of the words as the glass slipped from her hand and shattered at her feet. Instantly her telephone began to ring but she didn’t have the heart to answer….she just ran to the bathroom and did what she always did when she felt dirty and upset. She climbed in the shower and cried. Cried for Michael, cried for not believing him and cried for not being able to help him at that moment.

Bangkok was beautiful but he never saw it. He saw darkness. Blacked out windows and no lights, now he knew why Lexi did it when Brandon died. It just felt better that way. Dark……he never wanted to leave it.

He reached for the water and took the pill for his headache…when he closed his eyes he thought of Paris and Marbella. It seemed to help if only for awhile.

To be continued…..

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