New Beginnings XXIV

New Beginnings XXIV

Germany

August 30, 1992

The night had started out like most others, two and a half hours of perfection in front of 30,000 devoted fans. The show had a down day prior so Michael could celebrate his birthday and he was still receiving happy wishes a day later while Lexi and her family had dinner after they returned to the hotel. She had promised to bring him a plate from the restaurant and was carefully balancing it along with several bottles of complimentary champagne the house had sent along with her as she opened the door. As usual she heard him on the phone so she headed in to the dining area to set up his food.

Her nerves were on edge and she was trying not to think about only having one more day left on the tour. Miko had been able to help her register for her classes and she was ready to start in a week. She had so much on her mind, and every time she checked her planner she was reminded about it. However Michael seemed to be focused on work and of course he was tired. She understood that, but she needed him. She really needed him, and he wasn’t available….

Michael hung up the phone and it immediately rang again.

“Hello”

“Hi Stranger. I wanted to wish you a belated Happy Birthday, I couldn’t reach you yesterday. ”

He didn’t respond, standing there in silence not knowing what to do.

“Michael, are you there.”

“I’m here.”

“Are you not going to speak to me?”

Michael turned around glad that Lexi hadn’t gotten back from dinner yet.

“Damn it Diane.”

She could hear the anger in his voice as he dropped it lower in register.

“Lexi asked you to leave us alone, if she knows you called here…”

“It’s just a birthday call, that’s all.”

“It’s never just a simple call with you. What do you want?”

Michael was shaking, his grip on the phone intense.

“Well, I guess you are partially right. I am going to be in Paris during your shows and I wanted to bring the boys, would that be alright?”

“The boys can come, but you send them with one of the girls or a nanny. Don’t show up Diane, don’t you dare show up.”

Lexi turned from the doorway of the room where Michael stood and made her way back to the dining room. The tears of hurt threatening to spill down her cheeks. She didn’t want him to know that she had heard his conversation. He obviously didn’t want to be with Diana, but with the way she was feeling she just couldn’t fight it. It was like that damn song from their movie.

You can’t win
The world keeps movin’
And you’re standin’ far behind
People keep sayin’
Things’ll get better
(Just to ease your state of mind)
(So you lean back, and you smoke that smoke)
(And you drink your glass of wine)
Say you can’t win, Child
You can’t break even
And you can’t get out of the game

Popping the cork on the champagne she chugged a quarter of the bottle before she ever poured a glass. She didn’t care; she wanted to be numb for a change. Let somebody else be responsible. She grabbed the other bottle for good measure and went to bed.

Later Michael opened the door and saw Lexi staring at the muted television. “Hey girl! When did you get back? I saw the food in the dining room.” She had given up on the glass and was just drinking out of the bottle and took a swig without ever looking at him. “Lex? You alright?” Michael sat down on the bed beside her but she just stared blankly ahead. “ALEXIS!” At last when he raised his voice she finally looked over at him with a look that cut right through him. It was a bit of a struggle but he finally got the bottle out of her hand and noted that it was nearly empty. When he leaned over to place it on the nightstand he kicked over the first one that she had already drained that was standing beside the bed. “Oh god, Lex….what have you done. Girl, you are going to be sick.” Finally speaking her voice was contemptuous, “Leave me alone, I’m fine.” Michael brushed her hair back off of her face, “Babe, that’s a lot to drink. Especially for you, you don’t drink that much. What’s wrong, why you doing this?”

Pushing the covers away she scrambled out of the bed and walked about two steps before she fell in a heap on the floor. Trying not to laugh he stood up and walked over to her to help her up. “I can do it, leave me alone.” Lexi pushed up off the floor and swayed in front of him. “Why you mad?” he stood in front of her and unbuttoned his shirt hoping she would give him a logical explanation for her little display. All he got was a nice shot of her behind as she walked out of the bedroom and away from him. It was then he realized that something more serious was going on.

“Lexi, really what is wrong? What happened at dinner?” Michael caught up to her in the living room and sat her down on the couch. She pulled her arm from him and turned away. “Nothing absolutely nothing, in fact you should go eat. God knows you need to stay healthy Michael.” She grabbed a blanket and lay down on the couch. The phone rang again and he just stared at her as he went to answer it. Not wanting to hear who it might be this time on the phone Lexi got up with a great flourish and stumbled back down the hall and mumbled, “Another damn girlfriend…just what I need.”

Finally he realized the problem and he unplugged the phone from the wall. He needed to take a moment, what was he going to say? Damn he didn’t even know what she was thinking. She wasn’t acting mad; normally she was storming out or throwing stuff at his head. He had never seen her drunk like this. Being a grownup was hard at times like this, sometime it was so much easier to just hang out with the kids and play and watch movies. He loved her so much though; he knew he had to go face the “drunken” music.

She was in rare form when he made it into the room. Clothes from her suitcase were scattered all over the floor and she was trying to brush her hair. Sitting down beside her he took the brush and helped her get the tangles out. “Is that better, will you talk to me now?” Lexi handed him a ponytail holder and he wordlessly pulled her hair back for her. Finally she spoke, “Thanks, I might get sick later, so I better get ready.” Michael giggled at her practicality and rubbed her back. “Well you ate right? That will help. Why are you drinking so much girl?” She just looked down and shook her head. Sliding his hand down her leg he spoke softly, “Did you hear me on the phone?” Lexi sat perfectly still looking at his fingers on her knee for several moments before she nodded. It wasn’t long before his hand started to swim before her eyes and the teardrops fell down her face. Michael pulled her close, “Then you heard me tell her I don’t want to see her. You heard that right?” Lexi’s voice was small when she answered him. “Yes.” “Then you don’t have to worry. They’re not coming. My birthday was just an excuse to call. Baby I love you. Please don’t cry.”

“I didn’t need to hear you talking to her, HER of all people today.” Lexi pulled away from him and climbed back under the covers. Taking a deep breath Michael pushed his shoes off, and reached down for his socks and quickly pulled them away too. “It was over in a few minutes girl. Come here.” He climbed in beside her and laid his head on her stomach. “What day does school start?” He prayed she would change the subject…anything to get her in a better mood. “Tuesday.” But her one word answer didn’t give him much hope of a better night to come. They laid there quietly for several minutes until he spoke again. “Soooo….are we all going to the zoo tomorrow then?” Pushing his head off of her belly she rolled over onto her side into a ball. He sat up and looked at her wondering what he had done this time. Lexi had taken a pillow and held it to her chest and was crying uncontrollably at this point. Michael was lost. He was afraid to touch her, to speak to her, to get out of bed, to stay in the bed.

He really didn’t know what to do. After a few minutes of watching her he finally picked her up and held her in his arms. “Lex….Alexis, you are going to make yourself sick. Stop crying!” She pushed against him, “Let me go, you don’t give a damn Michael. Let me go.” Holding her by her upper arms he pulled her up to face him, “What the hell are you even talking about?” Michael could tell she was hurting even through the alcohol but he was confused. “See it doesn’t matter, you have it all planned out now anyway. You and your pinche nurse.” THAT got his attention. “Stop it Alexis, I’ve had enough. Go to sleep. You’re drunk, drunk and sloppy.” Lexi’s eyes flashed, “Chingada cabron, it takes one to know one, right Esé? I didn’t think I wanted to go home, but maybe now I do.” Lexi jumped out of the bed again and headed for the door with Michael hot on her heels. “No, you’re not leaving till you tell me just what the hell you are so pissed off about Lex.” When she turned to him he realized he had never seen that look on her face. Not even when she had talked to Melissa on the phone early that one morning. “You wanna know Michael…you wanna know?” Heading back over to her suitcase she pulled out more of her clothes and fished out her planner. “Here Mr. Sensitive, why don’t you look and see what today is. I am sure just like you have November 13 marked in your planner; I will always have today marked in mine.” She didn’t seem so drunk anymore he thought as she mentioned that date. She could have slapped him, hell shot him and it wouldn’t have stung as bad. He let her keep going when she walked out of the room this time, whatever had her so upset that she brought up the day of Hunter’s accident was enough to keep him away for while.

Michael slumped into the chair; he was exhausted mentally and physically. He really just wanted to have a nice night with her and a great day with her family before they had to go home. He was dreading being without her, and now here they were arguing over some puzzle. He sat for a long while with the planner resting on his chest; he knew they both needed to calm down before he went to find her. His mind raced with all the words they had exchanged that evening and he hated that he had told her she was drunk and sloppy. That was wrong and he knew it. Finally he worked up the courage to open the book and he stared at the dates. His hands shook and his stomach gathered in knots. When he read it he couldn’t believe that he had been so callous, so self-involved. There it was: August 30, 1992 in big red letters written so many months ago…BABY DUE

“I’m sorry…I don’t know how I could have been so thoughtless.” Michael stood at the doorway his voice almost a whisper. She was lying again on the couch, an occasional sniffle punctuating the silence. “Lex…talk to me.” He waited for her to speak but she didn’t have anything left to say. Eventually he sat down on the floor beneath her and waited, he desperately hoped she would open up before the night was over. He knew that usually if he gave her time she would talk, so he prayed that he could wait it out this time.

At last he felt her hand reach out to stroke his hair and in a few minutes she spoke. “Do you ever think about him Michael?” He had to close his eyes and compose himself for a moment before he answered, “Of course…of course I do, all the time.” Lexi moved from the back of the couch and wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, “Sometimes I don’t know if I can do this, I just want to run away from everything. There are days when I don’t want to be strong anymore Babe. I get so freaked out.” Michael felt his heart break and he couldn’t stop the tears from filling his eyes. “Oh girl, what have I done?” Pulling her around and onto his lap he buried his face in her chest. “I didn’t mean to forsake you Lex…especially not today….not today.” Clinging to him she let her tears flow. “Mich…Michael tell me wha…why you asked that woman to have your baby?” Raising her face up he saw the pain etched across it and he finally realized how careless he had been with her feelings. “I was just trying to fix it, and she offered I swear. Babygirl, Lex…I love you so much, I just want us to have our family. It’s over, I told her to forget it.” Setting her head back down on his chest she tried to stop crying, “I just wish we had him today…” Michael stroked her hair and whispered softly, “I know Lex, I do too. I do too.”

Lexi cried herself to sleep in his arms and he was able to eventually stand up and carry her to bed. He gently pulled the pony tail out of her hair and wiped her face with a hot cloth so her eyes wouldn’t be too swollen in the morning. Climbing in bed beside her he worried that maybe sending her home to California without him may have been the wrong idea after all. He always thought of her as fearless and strong. He had never imagined she was cracking under her tough exterior. Michael prayed that between school and planning their wedding she would stay busy enough that the time would pass until he could get home to her.

The day was passing so quickly, and Lexi wanted to take the clock and literally hold the hands back to stop it from moving any faster. Before they knew it they were back from their trip to the zoo in no time. Lexi was sitting on the floor packing her bags and Michael sat with his back to the wall silently watching her until he couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m gonna take a shower.” Lexi just looked at him solemnly and went back to folding her clothes still scattered from the night before.

He was really trying his best to hold it together. This was HIS night to want to drain two bottles of champagne. He was on the verge of a panic attack because even thinking about putting her on an airplane was making him literally sick with worry. His mind kept flashing on the stark newspaper headline from years earlier.

Two Americans Killed in Brisbane Accident:

Hunter Leigh Davis 28 and Jessica Suguri 28 of San Francisco…

Standing under the hot shower he tried to not think about it, tried to get the searing memory to fade but all he could feel was the burning pain of fear that was gripping his chest. Backing up against the wall he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hoping his heart would stop beating so hard. “Please God, keep her safe. Please just keep her safe. I can’t lose her too.” Michael’s quiet prayer was heard, because Lexi was just opening the shower door to step inside with him.

Opening his eyes he half smiled and pulled her close, “I can’t even begin to think about you not being with me. I love you Lex.” Brushing her lips against his she whispered, “I love you too Michael. I’m so sorry about last night. I wasted time we could have spent together.” Running his hands along her sides he spoke softly in her ear, “Mmmm shhhh babe, just be with me now.” Michael’s fingers slid in between her legs and parted her gently. He watched as her mouth opened and her head tilted back at his touch. “Ahhh…y..yes” Staring into her eyes he kept moving his fingers over her swelling hood. “Look at your face girl, god you are so beautiful.” Reaching out she found his shaft which was already swelling with his lust for her. Michael grunted at her touch, deep and low in his chest. “I want this, I want you.” Lexi began to stroke him and he plunged one of his fingers inside her tight chasm. “How’s that? Does it feel good?” “Uhhhh, Michael….” His fingers were soaked and he pulled them out and rubbed them once again over her burgeoning core. As he pulled his hand away he raised her thigh up and placed himself at her entrance. Lexi could feel him there and she shook with the anticipation of their union. Michael bent over and placed his forehead against hers, “Lex I love you…I know you know that, let’s just make this work. Promise me.” “I…I promise Michael. I love you too. We have to make it work.” Pushing slowly inside of her he sighed as her body accepted him fully. Wrapping his arms around her he picked her up slightly as she wrapped her leg around his waist, “Yeah…that’s it girl.” Arching backward, he could feel her tightness grab at him as his stroke moved upward. The water from the shower sprayed over them in waves as Michael moved their bodies faster and faster. “Michael, it feels so good. Aye baby….yes.” Lexi’s cries echoed amongst the tile walls and he knew he couldn’t last much longer so he eased out of her and pressed her against the wall. “Lex…baby, I have to stop for a minute. I don’t want to come yet.” She was all over him. Her lips found his nipple…sucking on it and swirling her tongue around it as her hands found his erection. “Te amo…Michael. Don’t deny me.” Lexi sank to her knees and ran her tongue underneath his length. She could hear the air being sucked in between his teeth as she took him between her lips. He was so hard she didn’t have to roll him back as her mouth slid over his tip. Slowly she pleasured him, allowing the tip of her tongue to flick the end of his shaft before sinking lower again. Michael’s hips began to pulse slightly, moving sensuously….rocking farther back while she caressed him expertly with her soft mouth. Moving her palm underneath she stroked him completely, causing him to groan in ecstasy. “I can’t last much longer…” Pulling her to her feet, he gave a bruising kiss before turning her around. Pushing against the wall Lexi bent over slightly allowing Michael to enter her. He slid easily inside, as she was slick from her excitement. “Make me come for you Michael.” Lexi’s moan as he began to move again inside her nearly did him in. “You wanna come baby? Huh? You wanna come right now?” Pushing her against the wall he lifted her inner thigh up and placed his arm around her stomach. His voice was low and gruff as he moaned, “Is this how you want it girl? Huh?” Michael was driving into her and she cried out in pleasure. “Yeah…oh Michael.” His breathing was heavy in her ear and he could feel her orgasm beginning. “I’m coming with you Lex…uhhh gaahd, yess!” He pushed hard into her once, twice, then a third time and held it for what seem like forever, before finally taking a breath…..At last he stood still holding her thigh in his hand and her body close to his. He whispered softly in her ear, “I love you Alexis; I don’t ever want to let you go.” Lexi had her forehead pressed against the tile of the shower struggling to hold back her tears. “I don’t want you to let me go Michael.”

They made love twice more that night before finally falling into a fitful sleep together. Neither had much to say when Lexi’s breakfast was brought up and Michael gave her a long kiss before he left for his meeting. “OK, I guess when I get back we will head out. Are you going to go help your Mom get ready till then?” Lexi nodded, “Yeah, Junior is pretty excited so she needs me to help her. I will see you soon.” Walking him to the door she gave him a deep kiss. “Michael, I love you.” “I love you too babe. I’ll see you in a couple of hours, OK?” Lexi nodded and touched his face tenderly, “Yeah OK, see you then.”

He dreaded the walk up to the door, but he dreaded the drive to the airport more. Well, he really dreaded the goodbye at the airport more and then the eternal waiting until she landed at LAX. He was doing everything he could to stop the panic attack from happening again, but it was really hard to do. “Lex, you almost ready? They said the car will be here in fifteen minutes.” Michael tossed his room key on the table and walked down the hall to the bedroom. “Lex?” His stomach dropped as he rushed to the bathroom, “Lexi?” One last look on the far side of the bed confirmed his fear…she had left.

Wandering back down the hall he glanced in the dining room and spied a note on the dining room table. He smiled when he saw that she had placed it under a pink rose and a white gardenia.

Michael,

I hope you are not angry with me for leaving before you returned from your meeting. I found us an earlier flight a few weeks ago; because I knew that it would be difficult for us to part at the airport.

I already miss you and I will call you as soon as we touchdown in L.A.

Baby, please take care of yourself…you know how much I worry about you!

I love you

Lexi

Michael ran his hand across his face and sighed. He realized that she was probably right and did the best thing for them both…but god. He just wanted to see her face one more time before she went home.

Was it early or was it late, he really didn’t know but it didn’t matter because he was still awake when the phone rang.

“Hello”

“Hi”

“Oh girl, I’m so glad you finally called. It’s been the longest day without you here”

“I hate it already.”

They continued to talk long into the early morning hours. Michael didn’t care if he had a show that night; he was talking to his woman until she was ready to hang up the phone.

That night the crew thought there may have been a glitch or that he may have been ill. Michael sang his duet with Siedah and was great but appeared a bit distracted. After he followed that up with “She’s Out of My Life” he took a great deal of time milking the crowd with his “tears” at the end of the song. The girl he called on stage swore she saw him crying…real tears and excitedly told her friends how emotional he was singing just for her.

Michael knelt down and could only picture her face, a whole world away. The screams of the fans barely registered as he tried to pull himself together. He honestly didn’t think he could finish the song but he just wrapped his arms around his head and imagined her being close……he held his position forever only breaking it when the band hit the first notes of the Jackson 5 medley. As he spun around to take his place in line he wiped his tears and took a deep breath thankful for the familiarity of his old standard. One thing he couldn’t fault his Father for was his work ethic, and Michael knew that the show must go on, and so even as much as he didn’t want to be out there that night he gave it his all, knowing that one more show put him closer to being home in her arms.

To be continued

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