Victim Of Love: IV

November 7, 2001 Virgin Record Store Signing Day

Michael sat in the Escalade oblivious to the commotion around him and looked at the pictures from Alannah’s Halloween adventures. It had been exactly a month since he had spent any time with her or Lexi and it was beginning to ache. Ache from a place he hadn’t let himself feel in a long time. He only had a couple of more days until he would be back in Los Angeles and he would at least be able to see ‘lannah, Lexi was a different story.

He didn’t even try to call her, his pride and masculinity clouding his better judgment…even though he thought of her constantly. He had decided against calling an attorney, hoping that Lexi’s promise to not keep Alannah from him was honest. While he also had to admit that if he did call for counsel, it would most likely drive the final wedge between them, and their relationship would have no hope of recovery.

Lost in thought he looked down at Alannah wearing a fierce look on her face in a picture as she held her pirate sword aloft but he was brought out of his moment of escape by Frank,

“So…Mike are you gonna call her?”

“Huh?”

“You gonna call her”

“Who?  Call who?”

Michael stuffed the pictures back in the envelope with the Santa Monica return address and looked across the seat at Frank,

“Frenchie? We got her number at the signing remember?”

“Oh yeah….I don’t know.”

“Mike, you seemed happy to see her.”

“I guess…”

“Let me call her for you. We can all hang out tonight, after the kids go to bed.”

“I’m kind of tired…”

“Really? You alright?

“Listen, take that girl out if you want Tyson. But I just can’t. It’s just too much.”

“Serious! For real?”

“Go ahead…go fish all you want.”

Shaking his head at his friend he continued,

“Just do me a favor, you got to keep her under control…and don’t bring her around no more. Not here in New York and definitely she can’t come to The Ranch anymore. You got that?”

“Hmmm mmm, I got it.”

“OK, let’s go, we’re here.”

Michael steeled himself for the onslaught of fans outside the hotel and walked quickly in the lobby, ready to spend a few hours with Prince and Paris before heading over to the studio to cut some radio promos for the record.

Lexi spent her days in a kind of emotionless blur. Tending to Alannah in the mornings and then not remembering much of her afternoons since she had finally started kindergarten. She managed to cook and clean, read the paper and do the laundry but it was out of habit. Whenever Michael called it was one of his handlers on the other end of the line and they asked for Alannah before he picked up the phone. Trying to do her best to give him his privacy, Lexi didn’t listen to their calls…they were always fairly short anyway. But she did her best to cover her emotions when ‘lannah would rush to her excitedly after they were over and explain just what magical thing Poppa had said that made her face light up so beautifully.

Soon he would be back in California and somehow they would have to figure out how to protect and share their daughter, and Lexi wasn’t sure she was going to be able to handle it all yet.

________________________

November 13, 2001

The dew still covered the grass and flowers; allowing the cold to creep into his pants causing his knees to cramp but he didn’t care. He simply didn’t care; he had sat all night in the same spot….staring up at the stars and moon through the branches of the tree and remembered. The first glimpse of her green eyes in the rain, the silhouette of her body as she stood in front of the hotel window in London, the glorious passion of making love with her after vowing to cherish each other forever in Paris, feeling the baby kick under his hands as he held her for the last time….and finally the sickening echo of his own scream reverberating in his ears knowing that she was gone forever. How could it be thirteen years…thirteen long years since he last saw her beautiful face. Thirteen years and he still couldn’t fix the hole in his heart….just when it was almost patched; he managed to rip it right open again. Maybe he wanted it that way…maybe he had just gotten used to being wounded.

He wanted some of the roses and carnations in the house and started to carefully cut the blooms to bring them inside. The more he cut the angrier he became and soon he was hacking the delicate flowers to bits as bitter tears poured down his cheeks. Petals and leaves lay on the ground and the plants were tattered as he sat back exhausted with grief. As he looked around in despair he heard the approaching footsteps of Prince and Paris as they ran to see what he was doing,

“Daddy…Daddy can we help you.”

Prince shouted as he ran up beside him.

Paris was just as eager as she picked up a mangled rose bud,

“Daddy, look how pretty. It smells so good.”

Prince sat down and picked up a handful of petals, throwing them in the air,

“Look Daddy, it’s a party out here.”

“Daddy…Oooo yeah can we have a flower party today? Please?”

Paris’s big green eyes pleaded with her Father as she gave him a tiny peck on the lips.

Michael hugged her tightly; thankful for the sign he had been given at just the right moment that he truly did have love in his life,

“Yes, Babygirl…today is the perfect day for a flower party, the perfect day indeed. Has Daddy told you guys how much he loves you today?”

“NO”

“NO”

“Well I do, very, very much. More than you will ever know.”

“I love you too Daddy.”

“I love you too Daddy”

“I love you more”

Before the hour was up, the dining table was full of Red Carnations and Red Roses and for breakfast they feasted on ice cream and hot chocolate. Excusing himself he headed upstairs to his room and picked up the backpack off the bed. Holding her ring one last time he held it to his lips and said a silent prayer before he placed it in the box and tucked it back inside and into the back of the closet and eventually back inside that torn part of his heart that he wouldn’t let anyone reach.

______________________________

Holidays 2001

They had managed to work out the custody for the holidays and Lexi had Alannah for Thanksgiving Day and Michael took her for the weekend. Now he had her for the whole week after Christmas. They communicated through email, with Lexi receiving messages from Grace requesting an authorization for a date and time she could pick her up. After it was established with Lexi that it was satisfactory, Grace would tell her where they would be staying while Michael had visitation. Sometimes Lexi and Grace would try to meet halfway to make it more convenient on everyone, so the switch was made in a mall or grocery store parking lot. Alannah never seemed to mind and treated everything like a big adventure.

Lexi hated it, the house was so empty and she was tired of watching movies. Traffic on a holiday weekend was hell so she couldn’t drive down to San Diego and see Bernadette, just in case she needed to be close for Alannah. It had gotten easier to pass the time with a few bottles of wine, maybe some booze even and a couple packs of cigarettes. What the hell, he wasn’t around to tell her to quit anyway….

Grace waited patiently for Michael to pick up his cell phone. She was in the parking lot of a mall somewhere in the Valley waiting on Lexi to meet her and pick up Alannah.

“Hello”

“Michael she is still not here.”

“Really…”

“It’s been an hour.”

“Yeah, I guess it has huh?”

“Do you think we should wait?”

“Hold on, I am on the 110 now. I guess I can go by there.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Well it is probably better than you sitting in that parking lot all night. I will call you back in fifteen minutes.”

Snapping the phone shut, Michael leaned forward and asked the driver to head to the Santa Monica house and readied himself to not only see Lexi, but to most likely have a fight with her as well.

Sitting in the Escalade he let Ken knock on the door hoping to prevent any potential problems that might occur if they came face to face. However, after several minutes of knocking Ken returned to the truck and told Michael she never answered. Reluctantly he climbed from the back seat, glad that the sun had set and checked for the spare key under the mat.

He was shocked when he entered the house, it was clear she hadn’t cleaned it at all since at least the time Alannah had been with him. Dishes sat on the coffee table as well as several empty bottles of wine. Glancing in the kitchen he saw that the sink was full and the trash needed to be emptied. Ken didn’t even ask, he just opened a cabinet and found several garbage bags and took it to the containers in the garage.

Michael walked down the hall to the bedroom and opened the door slightly. There he saw her, stretched out sideways over the bed and her stereo was loudly playing a melancholy song at full blast. She, was oblivious to it all….as she was apparently passed out from the looks of several more bottles of wine and the mountains of cigarettes in the ashtrays around the room.

“Mr. Jackson, I can get started on the kitchen sir.”

Ken had walked up behind Michael trying to deflate the situation.

“What?…oh”

Michael continued to look at Lexi lying on the bed and paused a moment before answering,

“No…no, thank you Ken. Um I’ll get this. I’ll call you later; just keep your phone on. Would you please do me a favor and call Grace and have her take ‘lannah back to the hotel with the kids tonight?”

“Yes sir, is there anything else?”

“Probably….but I guess I need to clean this up huh?”

“Very good, I will wait for your call.”

He gently gave her sponge bath and dressed her in a clean t-shirt; carefully tucking her under the covers before he started in on cleaning the room. Lexi had the song on repeat, he recognized the song it was a classic…but the singer and arrangement were new and different. He let it play until he finished picking up the bedroom, hoping to drown out the noise of him cleaning and letting the soft melody take him back to happier times that they spent together, and if he was being honest…how he wished it could be once again.

It was midnight before he was finished cleaning and Lexi was still out. Michael checked and found that he still had clothing that she had not discarded so he stepped through the shower and dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt.  He was exhausted and sat down on the edge of her bed to think about what he should do. He wanted to talk to her about not showing up on time, but she was passed out like a girl at a frat party. He noticed she had a few books on the nightstand so he eventually decided to read about “Spectacular Bodies: The Art and Science of the Human Body from Leonardo to Now”. Eventually he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer so he folded his glasses up, and switched off the lamp. Retreating as far as he could to the edge of the bed he turned his back to her and quickly fell asleep…afraid to admit that he finally felt comfortable for the first time in months.

It felt good.

He was warm.

Mmm her perfume.

Oh yes….her hand.

“Michael…baby you’re here.”

Somewhere in his dizzy, drowsy state of sleep he sensed all of those things. Somewhere it probably registered in his dizzy, drowsy brain that he even hoped it would happen when he lay down in the bed earlier in the night. Somehow in his slumber he had managed to move behind her, just like he always had done…and just like she always had done, she finally sensed his presence.

He didn’t stop her when she continued to lie alongside his body. He didn’t push her away when her small hand continued to stroke his hardening shaft. He didn’t say no when she bit him gently on his ear lobe and asked,

“Don’t you want me Michael, after all this time?”

He simply rolled her over, wet two of his fingers with his mouth and primed her for his entry. Satisfied that she was ready he pushed inside, his grunt of satisfaction filled her ear.

“Ahhhhh….” He exclaimed, reacting to her body.

She enveloped him totally, tight and wet and willing for him. So much so that he moaned as he pushed up on his elbows.

“Michael…”

His eyes were tightly shut as he moved in and out, his concentration fixated on the moment.

“Baby I missed you so much.” She whispered in the dark.

Lexi pulled him into her body by grabbing his ass. He let out a small cry and fell upon her chest.

He ground his teeth together and the tension built into a low whine in his throat and he pumped her harder.

“Michael come, come for me.”

Lexi begged him for more…

Burying his face in her neck, he pulled her head back by her hair…just as he thrust deep inside of her. His lungs seemed to burst as he climaxed, his cry of ecstasy enveloped her as she wrapped her legs around his waist and joined him.

Michael lay buried inside of her until she fell asleep again, it didn’t take long…he could tell she was still drunk.

At last he rolled off of her and pulled up his pajamas, he tried sleeping again but he eventually got up and sat by the pool.

She found him later that morning standing over the stove; ladling the last of the scrambled eggs out of the frying pan.

“You made French Toast?”

“Yes and coffee…you need to drink some water too Alexis.”

“Coffee is fine, thanks though.”

Michael sat the plate of eggs down next to the French toast and took a drink of his orange juice before he spoke again.

“What happened yesterday?”

Her hair was still wet from a shower she had quickly taken and she looked fine, not even a hangover,

“What are you talking about?”

“You never met Grace.”

Lexi furrowed her brows as she drank from her cup,

“What do you mean? That’s today, today at five?”

Reaching over Michael dunked a slice of the French toast into the syrup and took a bite,

“It was yesterday Lex…”

“No…no, it’s today Michael. I have it right here.”

Jumping up, Lexi took her purse off of the coffee table in the living room.

“See I have it right here. I printed off Grace’s email.”

Her eyes scanned the paper,

“Yeah right here, it says Saturday January 5^th, 2002.”

Taking a long drink of his juice he looked at her coldly before standing up to take his plate to the sink and said,

“You’re right it does say the 5^th Lex….but today is Sunday January 6^th.”

He saw the paper in her hand start to shake and her eyes widen as he continued,

“Did you even notice that your house is clean?”

Michael watched her as she looked around and then back at him,

“No.”

“lannah’s staying with me until you get it together Lex.”

It took a moment for his words to sink in, and as he saw the realization cross her face he braced himself.

Lexi launched herself out of the chair and came at him full force.

“You can’t…you promised.”

When she hit him it was with all of her weight behind it. Even though he thought he was ready for it, it hurt and he had to take a deep breath before he was able to restrain her arms.

“Stop…just stop it.”

“Where is she, you son of a bitch. Where is my baby?”

“She’s fine…Owe!  ALEXIS!”

Michael took her to the floor and held her down, but Lexi continued to struggle,

“You took her to The Ranch…damn you. I’ll call the cops.”

“She’s not there, she is at the hotel. STOP!”

Suddenly Lexi stopped fighting him and broke free standing over the sink, losing her morning coffee as she threw up violently.

Michael walked back to the table and sat down, waiting for her to finish.

When she finally joined him she rested her head on the dark wood unable to look at him,

“Please don’t do this Michael, she’s all I have.”

“I’m worried about you Lex; I just need to know that you are alright and that you can take care of her by yourself.”

“Don’t take her…please don’t take her.”

It broke his heart to watch her break down in front of him but he didn’t know what else to do…

When she lifted her head up he finally realized how badly her heart was truly broken.

“Michael, I have had so many precious things taken from me in my life. I can’t lo… love someone be..because they get taken away from me.”

She wiped her eyes with one of the napkins from breakfast and continued,

“My Father died when I was a little girl. I lost Ruben when we were planning our wedding. Bran…Brandon, Michael we never even got to hear him cry. When we broke up, I thought I would be fine with just me and “lannah and somehow there was Robert and he came along and took care of us…and then he left me too. I thought that we finally were going to make it Michael; I don’t even understand what happened. Now you’re telling me that you are going to take the only thing I have left on this Earth? I can’t, Michael…please?”

“Get sober Alexis, she’s staying with me till you are.”

“How can you say that to me, after everything…”

“That’s why I can say it.”

Lexi reached out and touched his hand,

“What about last night I remember it, you know, didn’t making love mean anything to you.”

“No, it was what it was. Sex.”

It was hard for him to see the pain in her eyes and the quick recoil of her hand as she pulled it away from him.

“I…I see. So is that what it’s like for you with all these other women you have been with over the years?”

He shrugged slightly before he answered,

“Sometime”

He pulled his hands under the table and pinched his thigh trying not to react as he saw her eyes burst over with tears at his hurtful words.

“Michael, I need you to go now. I will call my Mom to come stay here with me. Will that be good enough for you to bring back my baby?”

“I thought she was with Bernadette in San Diego, I need her to stay hidden till the baby is born.”

“She is…I won’t need my Mom for long.”

Michael stood up and reached for his cell phone,

“I’ll be sending my staff by to check on you Alexis, but I just want you to know I am doing this for ‘lannah’s sake.”

Lexi was already walking towards the bedroom and the door was shut before he ended his sentence. He couldn’t walk quickly enough into the garage before he crumpled to the ground. How could he hurt her like that? All he wanted to do was wake her up to the fact that she had a problem but he was so angry that she had exposed “lannah to it all he lashed out. Michael thought back to the detox Lexi pulled him through and the anguish he had that week, he just wanted to go to her and hold her tight knowing how hard it would be for her. But he had to go, it was all too painful. It brought back too many memories of his own struggles over the years.

Dialing the phone he asked Grace to bring Alannah home later that evening, he would call Bernadette later and make sure Miss Sally would make it in time.

_______________________

February 21, 2002

It was dark when she pulled up in front of the non-descript office building. The email instructions had a codeword and a number that had to be given to the security at the desk. Lexi was given a badge so that her access to all doors was recorded as she entered and exited each room. She heard a slight beep as she walked and realized the badge was recording her progress in the building. Finally she arrived at Bernadette’s delivery room and saw her sister sleeping in the bed. She was late, the baby had been born and the room was empty.

Sitting in the rocker by the bed Lexi took a deep breath, the last few hours had been hectic. She had found a sitter for Alannah and drove as fast as she could to San Diego but apparently it hadn’t been fast enough.

“Hey girl.”

Lexi heard the sleepy voice of Bernadette call to her,

“Hey, how do you feel?”

“Tired”

“Where’s Mommy”

“With Junior and Gabby at the condo.”

Lexi was silent and quietly rocked back and forth until Bernadette finally spoke,

“He’s fine Lex, and beautiful. He has Michael’s eyes and your skin and chin.”

Bernie looked over and Lexi had her hands over her face, trying to hold herself together,

“I don’t want to break down Bern…I’m trying to just maintain.”

“I know Sis…I know.”

They both sat there just thinking about their shared experience until the door opened and Michael walked in holding the baby. Lexi straightened in the rocker, she hadn’t seen him since he had threatened her with taking ‘lannah away and she was dreading a confrontation now.”

“Hi…Hi Lex, um we…we just got the OK to leave. I was just coming to say goodbye to Bernie, and thanks of course.”

She couldn’t speak, she was petrified. She was afraid to look at him, because if she did it meant facing what he held in his arms.

He walked around and kissed Bernadette on the forehead and quietly whispered,

“Thank you for everything girl, this means the world to me. I will never forget you.”

Bernie smiled,

“My bank account won’t forget you either Mike.”

“Yeah you can’t beat me up right now girl, so I will let you talk like that.”

He kissed her again and rounded the bed and stood in front of Lexi who stared straight ahead,

“Alexis, come walk with me?”

She looked over at Bernadette, who nodded her reassurance and stood to follow him. They walked across the hallway into a vacant exam room.

“Do you want to hold him?”

Michael watched as her eyes got wide and he thought she might panic,

“Lex, he’s so beautiful. I see so much of you in him. Please say hello….He he” Michael’s voice started to break, “He looks so much like Brandon, say hello to him Lex.”

Michael placed the tiny bundle in her arms and pulled back the blanket that he had been wrapped in so tightly, and what she saw literally took her breath away. Michael put his arm around her as she felt her knees go weak and he had to help her sit in the closest chair.

“What’s his name?”

“Officially it will be Prince, after my Grandfather.”

Lexi placed him on her lap and studied him all over,

“He’s perfect, look at him….oh god Michael, he IS beautiful.”

“I told you Lex.”

He backed out of the room as she held him in her arms; he wanted to give her a moment to be alone with him before they left. He owed her that much….damn he owed her so much more.

As he stood outside the door he listened as she began to talk to him and as joyous as he was it broke his heart,

“….and I want you to always know that it’s not because I don’t love you, I do more than anything….and I love your Daddy more than anything too that’s why you are here. I hope you have a good life, a happy…good life. And if you ever need me, I will be there for you…my beautiful little Prince.”

Michael closed his eyes and swallowed hard, giving himself a moment before he went in the room to take him from her. Before he could say a word she handed the baby to him and said,

“Please just go…”

“Lexi I..”

“Just go Michael, please.”

As he walked out of the door she could hear his footsteps echo down the hallway and the sounds of Prince and Paris’s voices excitedly ask their Daddy about their new baby brother.

Eventually Lexi made her way back to Bernadette’s room and laid her head on her sister’s still swollen belly and let her silent tears fall.

To be continued…

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