Victim Of Love: III

Victim of Love: III

September 2001

October 2001

Standing up a little too quickly he swayed on his feet and shook his head slightly before heading towards the bathroom. He didn’t think he had drunk that much but adding up the shots as he leaned on the wall and relieved himself, he soon realized he was inebriated. Inebriated and exhausted he decided, washing his hands and face he studied the person staring back at him in the mirror. Never happy with what he saw he looked away and turned off the light, quickly settling back in on the couch.

There was about a shot left in the bottle so he raised it to his lips and polished it off, trying to remember the last time he had cuddled up to the hard liquor. Thinking to himself that it must have been after his last big fight with Lisa and now after he remembered that…he wished he had some more. It made his head start to throb just thinking about her angry words thrown so viciously at him that night.

“Just how long is this stupid game supposed to go on Michael?”

“What do you mean? You know I love you.”

“Knowing and showing are two different things.”

“You want me to divorce her?”

“Yes that’s exactly what I want.”

“No…not yet. I have to wait.”

“For what?”

“It will be bad press….my image.”

“Oh for fucks sake Michael, you don’t have an image anymore.”

He remembered the hurt her words caused and how he had tried to shut out the emptiness of his breakups with Joanna when he found her in the crowd outside the hotel one night. In hindsight it was much like Melissa had been years earlier. Too much to drink and things got out of control. At the time it felt good to have her slide down and please him, and touching her porcelain body was a new adventure even though they never fully consummated their affair. He didn’t know why but for some reason she made him feel young and virile, her fragility bringing out the protective side of him in front of the guys. However, it wasn’t long before he tired of her and the immaturity….and he tried to distance himself from it all. He longed for intellectual discussion…hell who was he kidding he longed for passion. After finding Lexi again he noticed the glances Frank seemed to give her and let her continue hanging around, of course he never told her that it was over…he was hoping it had just run its course. She had asked him once who Lexi was and he told her that she was one of Janet’s friends, so now he was stuck in two lies, but there was only one that mattered. He had so much going on in his brain he just couldn’t keep track anymore. He had never really meant to hurt anyone; he hated seeing pain…especially when it was his fault.

As his head spun from the alcohol he remembered a conversation they had the night he found out she was pregnant with Brandon. A night when he thought Lexi was gone from his life forever because he had slept with Diane:

“I think of you every second Alexis. It hurts to even breathe without you beside me at night. I am the biggest fool on Earth for hurting you, and I will be sorry forever for doing it.”

“Michael, I know you love me, and I know you are sorry. I just don’t know if I can trust you anymore. What if I take you back and you do this again, and again. Am I supposed to live like your Mother?”

 “You won’t, I swear. God I swear, I will never be like my Father.”

Lexi had asked him not to lie; it wasn’t the first time she had asked him that either. Lisa and Debbie had the same request, he never meant to stretch the truth… he just always thought it would help spare their feelings. But in the end it hurt them more than he could ever admit to himself. Diane had taught him a wicked game and all he owed Lexi and their relationship was the truth, at last the truth. As he thought about the times he had let her down over the years he came to the realization that he had to stop the cycle and finally be his own man…and not be like his Father.

Eventually he made his way to the bedroom and dressed in his pajamas, the buzz from the whiskey still evident as he sat heavily on the edge of the bed. Lexi lay on her side, her hands balled up in fists next to her face and her lips slightly parted. She was breathing heavily, almost a small snore and he noted that a tissue peeked out of her hand and her clothing now lay at his feet. How long had she been waiting for him to come back to bed and why was he stupid enough to let her lay in his bed all alone?

Crawling under the covers he moved close to her, realizing how much Alannah reminded him of Lexi when she slept. Always on her side it seemed, but perfect for him to curl up against and around. The perfume of her hair hit him just right and felt his stomach flip with emotion. Even through the fabric of his pajamas he could feel the heat of her body reach out to him, but he was spent physically…he need to satisfy his mind emotionally.

His lips met the top of her shoulder, gentle soft kisses that progressed up her neck.

“Lex…Lexi, Babe…wake up.”

Her breathing remained the same.

Michael’s hand ran from her knee, along her stomach and up to her breast where he unconsciously tweaked her nipple softly,

“Babygirl”

He whispered, his breath lightly blowing against her ear,

“Babe, please wake up. I need to talk to you about something.”

The subtle snoring stopped abruptly and her eyes flashed opened,

“Michael?”

He softly kissed her on the cheek.

“Mmm hmm, I have to talk to you Lex.”

“You’ve been drinking.”

“I know…too much. But…Lex, I just need to do this. Please will you listen to me?”

Lexi slowly closed her eyes trying to clear her sleepy head knowing that something she didn’t want to hear was about to be said.

“Give me a second to wake up.”

“OK”

It was more than a second that they lay together. Lexi did her best to calm her fears and temper, and Michael gathered the courage to give her total and complete honesty. She felt the slight tremors that shook him as he waited and she knew that he was scared, she was too…but eventually she turned to face him hoping her heart could take the hurt she was sure was coming.

Michael’s heart broke when he saw the hurt and fear in Lexi’s eyes. Not realizing she had heard him earlier speaking with Frank, he didn’t understand that she had cried herself to sleep.

“Don’t cry Baby, please don’t cry.”

Staring at him in the dim light she whispered,

“Just tell me what’s wrong Michael, I’m scared…”

Michael softly kissed the tip of her nose, lingering for a minute as he gathered his thoughts.

“Alexis, I…I, you asked me to not lie to you earlier. I told you I hadn’t but….”

He paused and looked away, embarrassed and ashamed.

“Go on Michael…”

Closing his eyes he took a deep breath, and continued,

“I um, I wasn’t completely truthful with you about Joanna…about that girl tonight.”

Even though she already knew she still reacted; Michael felt Lexi stiffen and try to pull away.

“Please Lex…just let me tell you. I don’t want to lose you but if you leave me when I’m done….at least I know I tried.”

Her eyes flashed even in the dark and he could see the disappointment reflected towards him.

“I have been intimate with her.”

Lexi’s tears flowed freely down her face…

“But I haven’t slept with her, I didn’t lie about that. I swear, and Lex…LEX LISTEN TO ME.”

He shook her slightly to emphasize his point,

“I haven’t touched her since I found you again, I swear on my Mother’s name.”

Pushing him away, Lexi tried to roll over but he pulled her back.

“Please let me finish….I was really freaked out to see her standing there tonight. Baby, I just…I guess, I fell back into my old habits.”

Sitting up in the bed, Lexi pulled her pillow against her chest separating herself from Michael.

“It’s not a habit; I just think it’s how you are Michael.”

Michael sat up too, turning his back and perching on the edge of the bed,

“No, no Lex…at least I don’t mean to do it. I understand what you are saying is about more than tonight, I do…I really do. But, what happened with her was a long time ago and it was nothing. I just need you to understand that.”

Lexi reached across the bed and pulled a new tissue from the box and wiped her eyes,

“You let her stay around Michael; you must have some kind of feelings for her?

“I guess I do have some feelings for her, that’s true. But they aren’t romantic or even sexual anymore. I feel, I dunno…protective over her. She’s young and innocent.”

“There’s nothing innocent about that girl Michael, don’t be a fool.”

Tossing the comforter aside, Lexi made her way to the bathroom. Michael fell back on the bed while he waited; thinking about how careless he had been to let Joanna continue to hang out after Lexi came back into his life.

“I’m going to borrow some of these…”

“Of course, those white ones would be good.”

Lexi slipped into a set of his pajamas and sat in a chair across from the bed, it was obvious she was now ready to discuss the matter at hand.

“Michael, I told you earlier that I made assumptions about our relationship, assumptions that you and I should have discussed months ago. Also, what you have done with your personal life before we slept together again is really none of my business. However, there have been times Alannah has been here with you and the kids…I cannot have you bringing your…hmmm I am trying to be nice…your fan conquests around my daughter. Especially if you are keeping them around to feed your ego or whatever it is that I am apparently am not able to fulfill for you.”

Quickly sitting up he stared at her and replied,

“Never, she was never here with any of my children. That would never happen, and Lex…………..”

Michael stood and knelt down beside Lexi in the chair,

“you do more than fulfill me. Don’t you remember what your ring says?”

She couldn’t look at him; his eyes were huge and pleading,

“Please don’t…Michael. Don’t make me think about that…time.”

“Tell me what it says Lex.”

Her eyes started to water again.

“Tell me…”

“It hurts to think about it”

“Tell me Alexis, look at me in my eyes and tell me.”

He turned her face to his and she saw the despair and fear reflecting back at her,

“It, it…it says: Lexi, your love completes me Michael.”

“That’s right, not only do you fulfill me Babe, you complete me too. When I am with you, I’m as close to being the man I am meant to be as I ever have been.”

Lexi slid down off of the chair into his arms,

“Why do we keep doing this Michael? Why do we keep messing this up?”

Holding her tight Michael spoke softly,

“I don’t know…I’m sorry for hurting you. For all the times I hurt you.”

He paused for a moment before he spoke again,

“Do you ever look at it…the ring I mean?”

“I used to; I put it away a few years ago in the bank deposit vault for ‘lannah. I figured when I told her about us, well she could have that as some kind of proof.”

Tenderly kissing the top of her forehead he said quietly,

“Would you ever wear it again?”

“Don’t….Michael, please just don’t. Not now.”

They embraced each other for a long moment until Lexi finally stood and used the phone, calling the hospital and telling them she was not available for the day.

“Michael, I am tired. I need to sleep; can we please go to bed?”

“Yeah, are you still upset?”

“I don’t know…I need to rest.”

Once again he wrapped his body around her, the relief of his honesty allowed him to sleep, a deep peaceful sleep.

_____________________

Things between them had been left at a truce. Lexi gave her notice at the hospital and left for California. Michael wanted to follow her but was unable to leave New York; his commitments for the album seemed to keep him tied up most of the time. One afternoon he was close to her apartment and asked the driver to stop so he could pick up some of his books that he had left behind. Michael set about collecting them and also some of his clothes he had forgotten about in the closet. He frowned when he saw that Lexi had apparently hired a maintenance crew to remove the pole from the bedroom. The ceiling had a fresh coat of paint and the carpet was none the worse for wear. Mumbling under his breath he said to himself,

“I guess she is still upset with me…takin down the pole and all.”

Frowning as he pulled a pillow off of the bed and stripped the case off he filled it quickly with his things and started to leave, halting at the door to “lannah’s room. The duck was on the shelf in the closet right where she said it would be and he happily tucked it under his arm and headed once again for the front door.

Michael was surprised to hear voices as he shut Alannah’s door and he panicked momentarily knowing that he was alone with no security.

“So my notes show that the Master Suite has been repaired. I did convince her last night that these counter tops should be replaced with granite…everyone is doing granite.”

“So the listing is going up in the morning?

“Yes, I wanted it to be on the MLS today but she said she has to talk to her boyfriend first. I guess he knows about real estate. You know how everyone is an expert….and Donald Trump is their friend.”

Michael took a deep breath as he reached for his cell phone and heard the two women break into peals of laughter.

It didn’t take long for their laughter to stop when he walked into the living room. Even holding a pillow case overloaded with personal items and carrying a stuffed duck he was still Michael Jackson….who in all likely hood was the most remarkable and provocative man they had ever seen.

“Hello, I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

He only received mute stares in reply.

“I’m Michael, can I help you with anything.”

It seemed to jolt one of the ladies out of her amazement and she responded,

“Michael, Mr. Jackson. It’s a pleasure to meet you. But can I ask why you would be here today?

He held up the pillowcase,

“I left some things here. I hate to be nosy, but I overheard part of your conversation…did I hear you say that you needed to speak with Donald? I can dial him for you right now.”

Pressing a button on the phone Michael waited a moment for the call to connect, smiling shyly at the ladies as he did so,

“This is Michael Jackson calling, Donald Trump please…yes thank you.”

Another shy smile and a brief bat of his eyelashes occurred just as Ken his security guard lunged through the door with a concerned look on his face. Michael held his finger up asking him to wait,

“Good Afternoon Donald”

“Oh no the hotel is fine, you know I love staying there. Yes the kids are great too.”

“Uh huh, anything…anything I can do to help. I am so upset about all of this destruction. I want to do a record.”

“I will, I will let you know all the details. Listen, I am at my gir…at a friend’s apartment and she has tasked some nice real estate agents to ensure her property is handled professionally. I heard them mentioning your name; do you have a moment to speak to them?”

“Oh that’s super. Ho…hold on.”

Michael handed his phone over to the one who actually seemed like she could speak and smiled at her partner, laughing inwardly at his prank. When the agent was finished she handed the phone back to Michael who thanked Donald and politely asked for their business cards. Ken was kicking his toe into the floor to keep from laughing out loud and Michael put all of his boyish charm on the agents as he escorted them out of the door.

When they were finally gone the façade cracked,

“Why is she selling the apartment Ken?”

“It sounds like she is finished with New York City, Sir.”

“But I’m still here; I have to be here for awhile yet.”

“Yes Sir.”

Ken picked up the pillowcase and Michael clutched the Duck tightly; once again the comfort it brought to him could not be denied.

______________________________

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ALAAAANAHHHHHH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOO YOOOOOU

Michael watched the video tape play again as Alannah sat in front of her cake and blew out her candles. She began wiggling in her seat as Grandma Sally started singing in Spanish:

Estas son las mañanitas, que cantaba el Rey David,
Hoy por ser día de tu santo, te las cantamos a ti,
Despierta, mi bien, despierta, mira que ya amaneció,
Ya los pajarillos cantan, la luna ya se metió.
Que linda está la mañana en que vengo a saludarte,
Venimos todos con gusto y placer a felicitarte,
Ya viene amaneciendo, ya la luz del día nos dio,
Levántate de mañana, mira que ya amaneció.

 

This is the little morning song that King David sang
because today is your saint’s day and we are singing it for you
Wake up, my dear, wake up, look it is already dawn
the birds are already singing and the moon has set
How beautiful is the morning in which I come to greet you
We all came with joy and pleasure to congratulate you
The morning is coming now, the sun is giving us its light
Get up, it is morning, look it is already dawn.

 When they finally finished, a chant began from around the table,

“Mordida! Mordida! Mordida!”

Everyone was clapping and chanting as ‘lannah went to take her bite out of the cake and didn’t notice Prince slip up behind her and gently pushed her face down right at the instant she bit into her piece. A roar of approval and laughter rose up all around from the family since they all knew she had successfully completed another year of life.

A knock on the door came and Michael paused the video, freeze framing Alannah with frosting covering her mouth as well as the tip of her nose and a wide smile plastered across her face. Ken had traveled from New York and checked the peephole wondering who would be coming up to the suite at such a late hour. Turning to Michael he smiled and quietly said,

“Doctor Garcia-Thomas, Sir?”

“Uh yeah…let her in.”

Ken buttoned his jacket before opening the door,

“Doctor” he nodded…”have a good evening.”

“Thank you Ken….”

Lexi walked in, laying her purse on the side table. Before she headed to the bar and poured a glass of wine,

“I hope I am not bothering you, Mom spent the night and I needed to get out of the house for a bit.”

Glancing at the television she saw the smiling face of her daughter and laughed,

“Did you have a good time this afternoon Michael?”

“I did.”

Michael sat down with a bottle of water and looked over at the television,

“It was so much fun to have everybody there like that. Mother even had a good time.”

“I can’t believe she is five already, it seems like she was just born.”

She noticed that his leg began to bounce up and down and he sighed heavily.

“Oh god, Michael I can’t go back and fix it. Please don’t hold this over my head forever.”

He took a long drink off of the water and put it down on the coffee table,

“It’s not that, Lex….there is just too much hanging between us. I didn’t fly out here just for her birthday. You left New York in a rush; you know all the stuff I have to do…”

“And what Michael, I’m supposed to wait. Always wait or follow you around…I’m done with that.”

“What do you mean?”

Her glass was empty so she walked to the bar and he watched as she opened another bottle,

“I mean…I am going to start living my life again. Well our life, Alannah’s and I.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were selling the New York apartment?”

“Because it’s none of your business.”

She watched his face turn red as he bolted off of the couch,

“What do you mean it’s none of my business? I want to be able to see my Daughter, and you are trying to make it harder on me Alexis.”

“Oh like you do for Debbie?’

He was so angry he couldn’t say anything, he just stood there shaking.

“Michael I didn’t come here to fight with you, why are you picking a fight?”

“Why are you picking a fight? You’ve been nothing but a bitch since that night at the hotel.”

“Are you serious?”

They stared at each other, neither one wanting to back down and admit they were wrong….

“It was a mistake to come over here tonight. I have missed you so much; we had so much fun today being a family. I wanted to be with you tonight Michael, but you know what…I think it’s just best if we just end this now.”

His nostrils flared and he imperceptibly pursed his lips,

“Yeah…I’ve had enough. My lawyer will be in touch.”

“Good luck with that Michael. I would never keep you from her, but if you try to take her from me…I swear to god you will wish you had never had met me.”

“Sometime I already do.”

Her purse felt like it weighed a ton as she put it over her shoulder and walked through the door. Ken nodded and smiled cheerily not realizing she couldn’t see or hear him because of the roaring in her ears and the tears in her eyes.

Michael sat down on a bar stool, trying to understand what had just happened. Had they just broken up? Oh god…he had really done it this time.

The VCR timer ran out and the tape began to play again.  Alannah’s cake covered face smiled back at him from the television and he broke down in tears as she said,

“Thank you for my party…I love you Mommy and Poppa.”

To Be Continued…..

 

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