Victim Of Love: I

Victim of Love: I

September 2001

The first time the ground rumbled she was able to duck. No, not the cuddly yellow duck that gave so much comfort to her when she was at her most troubled…duck as in roll and cower and cover her head in terror as the sky seemed to be torn apart above her head. The doorway of the bank was solid but it didn’t protect her from the dust, the choking thick dust that suddenly seemed to engulf her when everything around her turned into the surface of the moon. For some reason she actually ticked the seconds off like she did after an earthquake, knowing that soon it would stop and she could jump to her feet and assess the damage, but it was endless and loud and dark and terrifying. So when at last the blast of debris and dust granted its reprieve on her she rose carefully to her feet; remembering to put on her safety glasses hanging from her shirt and the mask she had hastily stuffed in her jeans before leaving that morning.

Slipping the mask over her mouth she couldn’t help but realize how her emotions were reacting in such a contrary way. The stress made her heart race and her pupils dilate, she was ready to run or fight and go off to battle. But wearing Michael’s mask brought her back to herself. His cologne against her nose calmed her and she even wondered if she had been hit in the head because she seemed to hear his voice like a prayer softly speaking… gentle whispers under the madness that was surrounding her. A steady mantra, almost rhythmic in its repetition,

“Keep her safe Jehovah God, bring her home to me. Keep her safe Jehovah God, bring her home to me. Keep her safe Jehovah God, bring her home to me. Keep her safe Jehovah God, bring her home to me. Keep her safe Jehovah God, bring her home to me. Keep her safe Jehovah God, bring her home to me.”

___________________

Memphis looked much as he remembered it when he had been there last. He still had fond memories of the days he had spent with Lisa, secretly exploring her childhood haunts and spending time in Graceland after hours. He understood why her Father loved the city and how it had inspired so many before him to reach deep inside and wear their hearts on their sleeve, something that everyone seemed to be doing a lot more of these days.

The bus had become impossible for him to be in. Every mile seemed like ten, every state seemed like a continent. He did his best to keep up his brave face but all he could think of was Lexi, it had been a day and a half since he had seen her rush into the melee and there had been no word or calls. Michael did his best to shield the children from the television, but he did turn it on briefly when they were sleeping or not within earshot. The pictures were unbelievable and he knew that somewhere in the middle of it all was the one person who made everything in his life make sense, and if he didn’t get off that damn bus soon and get back to her he might just lose his mind.

_____________________

Holding his now worn mask in her hands she was ready to leave her apartment when she remembered he had left more in her nightstand. Grateful for his forgetfulness for once, Lexi grabbed one in red satin and headed out into the night. Splitting her waking hours between the hospital and Ground Zero had taken up most of her time. She slept in a chair in the triage, tiny cat naps…waiting for the next patient to arrive. Hoping and praying with the rest of the volunteers that more survivors would be pulled out of the rubble, and dreading the moment when the sudden hush of respect fell over the site. She only knew the date because she had to write it on her paperwork, she honestly couldn’t tell anyone if it was a Monday or Tuesday…she just knew that she had to push and fight and not give up. Lexi didn’t let her mind wander far from what had become her triangle the last several days. Home, the hospital and well…hell. Home, consisted of a shower and change of attire, the hospital a combination of an almost normal routine punctuated with injuries from Ground Zero that had to be treated. Hell…the place where she spent her nights, rotating with the crew in the triage as they helped to mend the heroes and taking her turn on the bucket crews as they removed the debris; desperately hoping to find the missing.

_____________________

Most of the family had rented cars by the time they got to Oklahoma City, the cramped bus too much for such a large contingent of egocentric people. Michael was happy to just have the kids and his Mother on board for the rest of the drive to Los Angeles. Alannah had quickly taken to Katherine and most of the time he found them quietly sitting together, Alannah staring out the window; silently watching as America rushed by her.

Michael had walked to his bedroom to check the news when Katherine met him in the doorway,

“That girl is so much like you at that age Michael.”

“Why do you say that Mother?”

“Cause she smart. She knows exactly what happened, but she is holding it all in…just like you used to do. You need to talk to her son.”

Michael sat on the bed and ran his hand across his brow,

“I…I don’t have anything to tell her. I’m as scared as she is.”

“Then tell her that Baby…just tell her that.”

When he lifted his head, she saw his eyes were glossy and so full of fear that they took her breath away.

“Don’t stop prayin Michael, he hears all our prayers.”

_________________________

Her shower was fantastic; the hot water pelted her aching body until she thought she might fall asleep on her feet. After wrapping her favorite fluffy robe around her she settled momentarily on the couch to catch a second of television, wondering what the outside world was saying about what she had been living for the past few days.

The banging on her door made her sit straight up. It took her a moment to register where she was, the television was still on but it was dark and her mouth tasted of sleep and ash. Ash..ash…ASH. She couldn’t seem to get rid of the ash.

“God that incessant banging.”

Trying to clear her head, Lexi stood and made her way to answer it, blinking her eyes in shock when she saw who was standing in front of her.

“How did you get past the security Frank?”

“Uh, hi Lex…I mean, Doctor Garcia-Tho”

“Just call me Lexi, Frank”

“Ok, um Lexi.”

“ So again how did you get past the doorman?”

“May I come in?”

Not realizing how rude she was being, Lexi stepped aside and let Frank “Tyson” Cascio into her apartment.

“I’m apologize I guess I fell asleep on the couch. I am pretty tired from working.”

“Yeah, I bet. Um, so to answer your question…Michael gave me your code to get in the building. He is really worried about you. He has been calling you like crazy but can’t get a hold of you. “

“I lost my phone in the collapse.”

“He just wants to know that you are alright and to let you know that he will be back here on Sunday, late Sunday night at the hotel.”

“I will try to call him, I promise. I…it’s been…I”

Lexi’s voice trailed off and she looked down and failed to finish her sentence.

“I understand”

Frank just let it go and didn’t push for anything more and began to walk towards her door. As Lexi opened it to let him out she spoke,

“Frank if something happens and I can’t reach Michael, tell him that I love him and to please not bring Alannah back here yet. He will know what to do.”

Nodding his head Frank answered politely,

“He is supposed to call tonight from Flagstaff, I will let him know.”

“Thank you for checking on me.”

“It’s no problem, goodnight.”

“Goodnight Frank”

Lexi closed the door and sat back down on the couch, finally surrendering to the fatigue that lurked in her body.

_________________________

Frank headed downtown towards the hotel he was still too young to get in the bars and no one really wanted to party like that right now anyway. Besides he could crash Michael’s mini bar and see who was hanging out around the hotel and crash in Michael’s suite. All of it was better than driving all the way back to Jersey…it was still pretty early and he was bored. Maybe some of the girls were around.

___________________________

“Damn it!”

Michael swore under his breath as he listened to the message Lexi had left as the bus rolled into Flagstaff. She had called as they had been somewhere on the reservation and he hadn’t had cell service.

Calling her right back at her apartment he got her machine and hung up in frustration.

“What’s wrong Poppa?”

Gathering Alannah onto his lap he pulled her close and sighed,

“Your Momma called and the phone didn’t work right, I wasn’t able to reach her when I called back. She is good though, she said she is tired and she loves and misses you very much.”

Alannah was quiet before snuggling closer to Michael,

“Did Mommy help the people in the sky?”

“She tried to “lannah”

“I saw them Poppa, before it fell.”

“I know Babygirl, it is very sad. But Mommy is there with them and their families.”

“I miss her.”

“I do too”

Rising up Alannah gave Michael a quick hug and a kiss and settled back down on his chest.

“We will be home at Neverland tomorrow Baby. We will all feel better then.”

“Thank you, I love it there.”

“Me too precious, me too.”

________________________

The charter was only able to get him as close as Newark but he arrived much earlier than planned and Donald had sent his helicopter over to pick him up. It was dusk as they were inbound and the airspace was not as crowded since it had just been reopened. It was jarring to see the open maw of twisted metal that was once the center of commerce for the western world. The smoke, steam and ash still pouring out of her guts as she continued to gasp and would for weeks to come. Michael could see emergency lights lining the perimeter of the area and he figured Lexi was down there…at least she was able to be down there, the thought of the alternative was too much for him to take.

He was alone this trip; he had opted to skip out on security and would let them catch up to him when they could fly in commercial. He just needed to be there for Lexi. As the helo landed on the rooftop pad he was met by the hotel staff and escorted directly to the suite. He stayed so often when he was in New York they all felt like his own staff so he was comfortable when they settled him in and even left without a tip.

Wanting to shower after his flight he sat on the edge of the bed when the glow of a cigarette caught his attention on the balcony. It was then that he noticed the door was cracked slightly and the carpet had small foot prints leading outside. It had happened all his life; fans had snuck in his room. Most times an autograph and picture was all it took. But it flashed through his mind to locate the panic button before he stepped outside.

“Hello?”

He said in his soft “Michael Jackson” voice.

“Frank said it was supposed to be late on Sunday. “

The glow of the cigarette now softly lit her face in the dark as she took another drag.

“Lex?”

“Yeah I came over early, I wanted to get ready.”

He wanted to run to her, pick her up, twirl her around, squeeze her, hug her, kiss her, make love to her until the sadness was gone….but he merely sat down beside her and said,

“How are you? I’ve been so worried.”

“Fine, I’m fine.”

He noticed she was so fine that she took a long swig off of an expensive bottle of white wine before taking another drag off of the cigarette. Her hair was covered in ashes and seemed to stick out in every direction, and she was wearing the same clothes that she had been the last time he saw her. One of his masks hung limply around her neck, stained and dirty. Yeah, she was fine alright….

“Baby, would you like for me to run you a bath?”

Michael was afraid to say anything that might upset her. He really couldn’t see her eyes, but there was something about her demeanor that was scaring him.

“I need to rinse off first, that’s why I was out here. I didn’t want to get anything dirty.”

“Donald wouldn’t….”

Michael stopped himself and sat for a moment not wanting to sound patronizing.

“I will start you a bath and you can step through the shower first, If that’s want you to do?”

“Will you join me?”

“Of course.”

Michael stood and kneeled down in front of her,

“It’s so good to see you Baby. That was the longest five days of my life.”

The glint of the city’s lights reflected off her eyes and he could see that they were threatening tears when she eventually locked her gaze with him.

“Has it only been five days Michael? It feels like five years to me.”

When he kissed her she tasted like cigarettes and expensive wine, but he didn’t care. She was real; she was whole, soft and strong all at the same time. He also didn’t care that she was dirty when he pulled her close or that her tears mixed with his. Every nightmare that he had imagined over the last five days melted away at that moment when he had her in his arms again.

Michael was sitting on the edge of the tub, pouring in the bubble bath as Lexi undressed when he saw the first of the bruises. It was on her back just below her bra strap. One of those deep dark bruises that begins as dark purple but turns red, and yellow before it ever fades away. It was big and not the only one she had. She looked like she had been beaten and was trying to hide away her marks under her clothing. He swallowed hard turning his head and stirred the water with his fingers and wondered what she had been though that had caused so much harm to her beautiful body? Maybe the nightmares had been close to the truth after all? Briefly closing his eyes he said a prayer of thanks that she had been spared, for him, their daughter and unborn son.

He let her take a moment in the shower before he joined her. She stood as if she was ready to wash her face, her hands covering her eyes but she was just letting the water rain down. Michael could tell by the slope of her shoulders she was tired so he tilted her head back and rinsed her hair. As he lathered it with the shampoo he had a sense of déjà vu and his thoughts flashed back to a memory of a time in Germany with Hunter…for a moment it was all so real again. The smell of the shampoo, the heat of the water on his back, her lips on his chest after he rinsed her hair clean…

“Michael? Michael, what’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What?”

“You looked a million miles away”

“I…I was just thinking, uh about stuff you know?”

“Yeah, I guess. Come on then. Let’s get in the bathtub now this is good enough.”

He didn’t say anything he simply turned off the shower and helped her in the bath, trying to shake the weird emotions that had just hit him.

Lexi lay back in his arms in the bath allowing the warmth of the water and the soothing jets tend to her body while his soft kisses against her neck and face and his whispered words of love in her ear soothed her soul. Soon she drifted off in a light sleep and Michael just held her, grateful that they were both in each other’s arms again.

It wasn’t long before she stirred and they helped each other out and wrapped up in their thick hotel robes. Room service had delivered a light dinner but Lexi just opened another bottle of wine and went back outside on the balcony and lit another cigarette.

“Why are you smoking Lex?”

She shrugged her shoulders and he could see the glow light up her face again.

“I really don’t think you should be doing that around the kids or the baby.”

It didn’t have to be dark out for him to feel her eyes cut through him.

“Don’t worry; everything will be perfect for your baby.”

He held his tongue not wanting to fight with her: knowing that she was acting out of stress and sorrow.

“It’s starting to rain…”

Michael walked to the edge of the rail and looked out on the night. Lexi watched him intently from her seat and her heart overflowed with love for him. Stubbing the cigarette out she stood and walked to his side.

“It’s going to make it hard on everyone at the site.”

It was the first thing she had said about what had happened and he wasn’t about to respond if she was ready to talk.

“I should have gone with you Michael. I can’t believe I left my baby.”

“She knows why you stayed Lex, we talked about it. She is proud of you and so am I.”

Michael took her hand and rubbed his thumb gently over her knuckles. He could feel the calluses she had acquired from moving the rubble as he led her back inside the suite.

Bringing a bowl of white grapes with him they sat down on the couch.

“When was the last time you ate girl?”

“I don’t remember. Last night? I think it was dark.”

“Here have some of these then.”

As she reached for it he noticed one of the bruises again.

“Tell me what happened.”

Michael moved the sleeve of her robe up her arm and noticed more and more…too many to count.

“Not yet, I’m not ready.”

Reaching down for the bottle by her feet she took another long drink and hung her head for a moment.

“Stand up…”

She closed her eyes momentarily, pondering for an instant if she really wanted to do what he asked but relented and stood…instinctively knowing what he was about to do.

His eyes looked deep into hers as he untied the belt to the robe and he pushed it off of her shoulders. He had tried to be understanding of her privacy earlier but now he was not holding back.

“Turn around Alexis.”

Immediately he saw the large spot from earlier but now that she was so close he allowed himself to really look; he began to see many smaller ones just as deep and probably as painful all across her back, arms and legs.

Lexi heard him gasp, the kind of gasp when you know that you’ve just heard someone’s breath been pulled from their body.

It was then that she felt his touch first his fingers, soft and gentle gliding across her skin and then his lips…his mouth finding and marking each spot with his love and caring. It took time and Lexi just gave her body and mind over to the feeling of it all.

Eventually she was turned around and he performed the same gentle operation on her all over again. Even picking up her feet, where he kissed and blew across the tops of them, doing everything he could to take away her hurt. As he reached her thighs she began to feel the tension slipping away and she let her head roll back as he wrapped his large hands around her legs massaging, kissing and bringing life back into her.

It was all he could do to not bury his lips between her legs. Instead he ran his tongue across the scar from the cesarean section surgery from Alannah’s birth; pausing after doing so to let his fingers lightly trace along behind. The details of ‘lannah’s coming into the world was still a topic that sent emotions cascading in unknown directions between them, thus it was rarely discussed. So for him to acknowledge that “injury” too was what finally brought the wall down for Lexi. As Michael was resting his cheek against her hip he felt her tremble; looking up at her just as she reached for him….giant tears rolling off of her face

“Oh M Mi Michael”

Springing to his feet he wrapped his arms around her,

“Let it out baby. I’ve got you, nothings gonna hurt you now.”

Lexi buried her face in his chest, letting the robe soak up her tears. As she eventually began to catch her breath Michael asked,

“Do you want to talk about it?”

It was then that she raised her face up to look at him,

“No…not right now. Maybe later…I need you Michael. Make me feel alive again.”

“Girl….god”

Before he even had a chance to exhale she had untied his robe and her hands were moving across his chest. Now it was his turn to accept her touch, and he was more than willing. Her lips automatically found his nipple and flinched slightly as her teeth bit down on the tiny peak that hardened under her. He was distracted by her mouth; failing to keep track of her hands until they slipped down his lower back and firmly grasped his ass pulling him into her body. Before biting him again she whispered,

“Fuck me.”

Michael gasped, both from the bite and her words,

“Alexis! Baby, slow down for a sec. Come on lets go to bed.”

“No, Fuck me! What is it you always say…right here, right now? Mmmm Te amo Michael, but I don’t want it sweet or nice. I need you, to..to be in charge, make me feel alive Babe.”

His robe was suddenly on the floor and he pulled her head back by her hair. Right before his lips met hers he said,

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t care.”

The air immediately became electric and as he shut his eyes to kiss her, he saw the colors invade. Red, yellow, purple, white, blue….it was like pure energy had invaded his body and flowed between them. He sensed every place their skin was touching. The sides of their noses, the plush softness of their lips, the swirling madness of their tongues, their biceps and hands as they pulled each other close, her breasts that sensuously crushed against his chest, the wetness between her legs, her inner thigh that had begun curving around his, and finally her smooth calf and ankle sliding down his leg.

Lexi became like a woman possessed and she abruptly took his hand in hers and wrapped it around his shaft. The only sound in the room was their breathing as it increasingly became more intense…until she spoke.

“I want to watch you.”

“What?”

“Do it for me…”

She could tell it turned him on, even though there would always be a part of him that was shy. Sitting back down on the couch he spread his legs and grasped his half hard member and began to stoke steadily up and down. Occasionally tugging hard on his head or pulling his sac up and massaging one of his balls between his fingers. Lexi had sat down on the coffee table; it was large and strong and she licked her lips at the provocative display he was offering her. It didn’t take long for her own fingers to find their way between her legs, spinning and plunging inside in time with his stroke. He felt like they were having some kind of crazy duel and he was ready to win. Leaping to his feet he stood above her, his erection begging for her mouth.

“I don’t want to come yet though”

Her tongue darted out and tasted the drops of salty liquid that waited for her at the tip before she lifted him up and took each one of his balls inside her mouth sucking with a new found sense of pleasure. When at last she wrapped her lips around his tip he shook with delight. Pausing, she flicked her tongue over him. Teasing him with the hint of what was to come. It was impossible for him not to push against her soft mouth, or to groan as she sucked deep on his hardened flesh.

“Yessss…damn mmm”

Watching her was impossible if he was ever going to last, so he closed his eyes and lost himself in the pleasure. The long slow slide of her full lips against his smooth shaft would stop just as his tip met the soft back of her throat. Then as she pulled out he was surrounded with warmth and stimulation as she used the tip of her tongue to vibrate around his head. He stopped her as she was running her lips around him,

“Stand up and bend over this couch.”

He was rock hard but if she kept sucking on him he would come and it would quick.

The instant she turned and looked at him after she complied with his order to bend over, all doubts about what he wanted or needed to do left his mind. He HAD to fuck her. Making love with her would be for later…but watching as she pushed her ass back and ran her hand over her hip before gazing back at him daring him to take her, yes he would give her what she wanted. Bending over her he whispered in her ear as his middle finger slid between her folds.

“Imma tell you again Alexis, I don’t want to hurt you. What kind of game are you playing?”

“Its…ahhh”

She paused as he pushed his shaft inside her

“No…no game baby. I want you, so much.”

“Is this what you wanted?”

He stood up and began to stroke in and out, his hands around her hips.

“Harder”

Placing his foot up on the couch he sped up, he could feel her clutching his shaft with each stroke.

Lexi steadied herself with her arms pushing against the backrest of the couch.

Sweat started to pour into his eyes and he could feel he was close to coming.

“Am I fucking you good now Alexis? Come with me girl…”

“Yeah…Michael….ahhh”

It did hurt her, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care because this time she knew that she was safe, and when she realized that she let go with a huge shudder and a release that flooded his shaft with her desire.

He felt her release, her walls grasping at him over and over as her come washed over him. It was more than he could take….the lights returned. . Red, yellow, purple, white, blue…..pure energy that his release inside her created…he saw it, felt it, made it.

Curling up behind her, they leaned forward on the couch catching their breath for a moment until Lexi spoke.

“Michael?”

“Yeah Babe”

“I think I am going to move home”

“OK, how come.”

“I need the sunshine, I want to be by my Mom. ‘lannah needs her family and the new baby will be here soon.”

Michael was about to answer her, when Lexi raised her head to wipe the sweat out of her eyes and interrupted. The softness that had finally overcome her was gone in an instant and she tensed underneath him.

“What the hell? Who let you in here?”

As Michael lifted his head to see what she was talking about he looked right into the pale blue eyes of Joanna as she lifted her hand, pointed at him and said in perfect English,

“He did.”

To be continued…

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Where making it passionate is what we urge you to do everyday. Life is too short...sing, dance, play and most of all L.O.V.E.