New Beginnings XXI

New Beginnings XXI

June 1992

The train pulled away from the station and its faint whistle urged him to hurry as he caught sight of it swinging around the first turn. He set out the food Jean Luc had prepared hoping they wouldn’t get caught in the rain that was threatening to fall as it pushed in from the ocean. The locomotive pulled to a stop and Lexi stepped down and thanked the engineer for his time and nervously looked around for Michael. Having waited for her arrival in a nearby stand of trees, Michael walked over and spoke with the engineer and smiled briefly at her before the train pulled away. “Thanks for coming.” Michael’s voice was quite and almost shy, even in spite of everything they had been through together. “Why wouldn’t I Michael, it’s not like I am doing anything else.” Lexi walked over to the edge of the picnic blanket and looked it over carefully. “I know, I just appreciate you spending time with me is all. Here let me pour you some wine.” Michael handed her a glass as she made herself comfortable. “I will be done packing when we get back tomorrow. I guess you will be relieved to hear that.” She took a sip and picked a ball of fuzz off of the blanket as he reached over and gently took her hand. “Lex, I know you really don’t want to go. Believe me it’s been good spending a couple of days here away from it all at The Ranch instead of L.A., but I don’t have a choice…” She really couldn’t answer or look him in the eye so she simply pulled her hand away and sat quietly, as had become her custom since their lives had seemed to unravel.

The silence was oppressive, like the huge divide that had settled between them. Lexi eventually poured another glass and lay back on the blanket, closing her eyes waiting for the alcohol to take effect. Michael resisted as long as he could, but he finally reached out and softly smoothed her hair back from her face, grateful that for once she didn’t shrink away from his touch. When she finally opened her eyes he was gazing down at her with such softness, she had to turn away. “Michael…I, please don’t.” “Don’t…don’t what Lex? I just….” Michael stood and walked away, clearly frustrated. Lexi sat up and stared down on the house below, she wanted to follow him and tell him everything she had locked up inside. But she just couldn’t allow herself to let it go, she knew if she let down the carefully constructed facade she had built around her heart, she might not ever be able to put it back again. She had to stay strong, he was so busy…he had so much to accomplish. The last thing he needed was to deal with her and her frailties.

“Listen, I am just going to walk back to the house. I am not really hungry anyway.” Lexi had started to leave, when Michael finally spoke. “I can’t go on like this.” She stopped, frozen in place at his words. Her legs felt like liquid and she suddenly was light headed, “What did you say?” He turned to her, his eyes brimming over, “Lexi, I said I can’t go on like this.” She thought the dampness on her face was from the rain that had started to fall, but realized it was from tears that she had been holding back.  She couldn’t see and she stumbled away heading for the stand of trees. He caught up to her before she could fall and pulled her into his arms, “Tell me what I’ve done, tell me how I’ve hurt you Lexi. I just want to make you happy again.” The rain began to pelt them incessantly but Lexi just stood as if she were defeated. Michael could see her eyes, red and glossy from emotion but he hoped that maybe they were finally coming back to life, “Talk to me. What is it Lex. Please…I know you are hurting. So am I. “She started sinking to her knees, but he held her up, “No, you are going to tell me, I don’t want to walk away without fighting for what we have.” Looking scared and wounded, she answered him at last, “Just let me go Michael, please. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” They were both soaked thoroughly even their clothing sticking tightly to their bodies, “When have you hurt me? Baby…what are you talking about?” Clutching her chest, she audibly gasped as he squeezed her arms, “What? Lex? What’s wrong?” At last her will…her resolve gave way, and she collapsed against him. He knew she was unable to support herself, so he picked her up and carried her to the trees. Sinking down, he just held her as she let her emotions go, a catharsis for her troubled mind. “I’m right here girl, I love you…you know that. God…I love you so much.” Michael whispered softly against her ear until she eventually started to breathe regularly again. When she spoke, it was barely above a whisper. “I just can’t. Michael I can’t.” He pressed his lips against her eyes to stop her tears and as he held them there he whispered softly, “What baby, what is it that you can’t do?”  Lexi brought her hand up to his cheek, her first intimate gesture in weeks, “I can’t make love to you.” She could feel him tremble as he grasped her face in his hands, “I know you don’t mean it. Why would you say something like that Lex.” She knew it wasn’t just the rain that ran down his face as she looked up at him, “They told me it might happen again Michael.” Her voice was broken and full of guilt, “I love you so much…he was the one thing you always wanted. I’m so sorry for taking Brandon away. Michael what if we tried again and…and” He could tell by the look in her eye she was on the edge of a meltdown. “Lexi…You didn’t do anything wrong…girl, listen to me…I know it hurts. And I know it has broken your heart…but we have to keep on living and someday, we can try again.” He saw the range of emotions cross her face as she pushed him away and tried to leave. Michael caught her hand at the last moment and jumped to his feet. “Look at me. I need you” Tilting her chin up so he could look in her eyes he grazed his lips softly across hers, “I want you….so much, please stop pushing me away.” Lexi stared into his dark eyes that were so full of love and desire. She didn’t know if it was the rain, the passion she felt burning between them or the love she had never once stopped holding in her heart… but at that moment she let herself fall back into his arms. Her voice broke as her lips met his, “I want you too…so much.”

Michael felt his heart begin to beat quicker as her words echoed in his ears. Running his hand around the back of her neck he pulled her close and felt the softness of her mouth under his. He was surprised as she pushed her tongue against his lips and seemed to beg for his affection. Shivers passed through her body as the rain began to fall harder and she blinked when she opened her eyes. Breaking away Michael said, “Your cold, we should go back, I don’t want you getting sick.” Looking around she considered it carefully before she pulled her tank top over her head and leaned back on a tree. “No Michael, I just want to be with you.” Automatically his eyes focused on her full breasts, and her dark erect nipples. He hadn’t seen her body in so long and he had to take a moment and drink in the sight of her before him. “Lexi…you look so beautiful.” Reaching up she pushed her damp hair away from her face and he could feel more than a just an ache begging for release. He had to have her. Michael moved forward his lips brushing hers briefly before his mouth caressed her breasts that seemed to tease him with their peaks of hardened flesh. “Mmm yeah.” She moaned, throwing her head back in rapture. His hat tumbled to the ground and she moved her fingers across his back, her nails practicing what she would soon do to his body. Eventually her hands slid down to his hips and she pulled him into her. Standing up he started to grind into her in gentle circles. “Lex…baby, I want you so bad. Can you feel how hard I am already?” Taking her hand he placed it on his swollen shaft, “Ahh, right there girl.” Lexi moved over the fabric of his pants feeling him grow under her touch, “With shaking fingers she unzipped and stroked him with a firm hand, feeling his size building quickly in her palm. Michael had his face buried in her hair and she could hear his heavy breathing as she moved his hardened flesh up and down. Reaching down with his hand covering hers, they moved as one, “I can’t wait to be inside you. You know I think about it all the time?” Michael heard her moan and he moved his lips to her mouth. “ god I want you.” Releasing her hand he pushed her panties to the side where he slid his middle finger between her folds and primed her for his entry. The shock of his fingers sliding through her musky wetness, felt like a tiny electric charge. It was almost uncomfortable but she still craved more. Knowing she wouldn’t last long with the sweet patterns he was drawing on her body, she turned her back to him and pushed into his hips. Together they pulled her panties down leaving one leg dangling around her ankle while he hastily pushed her skirt above her waist. She could feel his hardness push against her as he taunted her with his sex, she was breathless with anticipation and he used her excitement to his advantage. Pausing at her entrance, he rocked gently…back and forth, back and forth teasing her with his prize…back and forth…. His tip open and closed her access and he could feel her muscles clamping down at every roll. Michael watched as he finally slipped inside, where he paused again… pulling her back into his chest. “Are you alright Alexis? Tell me you’re OK?” Breathless and full of longing she simply nodded, hers eyes tightly closed in concentration while her hips rolled back into him.

Somewhere in the distance the faint sound of thunder rumbled as Michael placed his hands over her breasts and thrust deeply inside her. He watched as the rain fell on her back and shoulders, cleansing them both of their hurt and sorrow…and giving them back their love and passion. Bending her over he ran his tongue down her spine and plunged into her body, the sweet escape of her curves exploding underneath him…she was like a finely tuned instrument that only he was allowed to play. And he was ecstatic to feel her come alive again under his touch.  Lexi leaned forward onto the tree bracing them both as he increased his tempo; the erotic sounds of wet skin against wet skin filled their senses with nature’s most basic melody. The harmony of her involuntary moans mixed with his when the familiar tension suddenly grabbed hold as he tipped over the edge. Feeling him twitch inside of her, Lexi threw her head back and joined him. It burned, long and slow. Good and hot…so hot she sank to her knees with the rain still falling on them, letting the grass and mud cling to her body. Michael ended up beside her, his pants unzipped and his legs shaking from their lovemaking. Eventually he pulled her underneath him. To hell with the rain, the mud, or the soggy food for the picnic…he had his woman back in his arms, and he felt like screaming it from the top of his Ferris wheel.

They talked long into the night after returning to the house. Finally sharing with each other their fears about what had happened. Lexi explained that she was hoping to spare him anymore pain. Knowing that he had no choice but to return to rehearsals and continue on with the tour and he didn’t have time for her and her emotions. She also was trying to keep him from dwelling on his loss with Hunter, which she was sure had resurfaced. She expressed her pride in his sobriety and the strides he had made to make better choices. She told him that she was afraid that if she told him everything she had been holding back, it might just be too much for him to handle. She explained her boredom with not working and not attending school, and how it was only adding to her depression. Then she finally told him her biggest fear was of not being good enough for him any longer. Especially since the Doctor’s told her there was a chance that she might not be able to carry a baby to term. She was honest with him at last and told him that she knew he wanted a wife who could have his children and why would he want her if she wasn’t that woman. He listened without interjection as she spoke until she talked about what kind of wife he wanted. At that point he interrupted and gently explained that he wanted her for his wife and they would find a way to have kids. He told her that through all the good times, drama, heartbreak and pain that was the one thing he always knew. He loved her and wanted to share his life with her, no matter what. Eventually they both drifted off to sleep, with Lexi curled up in the safety of his arms.

His eyes flashed open and it took a moment to realize he was at Neverland; he hated always adjusting to his environment when he woke up, and longed for the day when they would be at home forever. Rolling over to pull her close he found the bed empty and he wondered what time it was. Daylight wasn’t showing through the French doors of the bedroom yet so he knew it wasn’t morning, she must have just decided to get up and wander the house he surmised. After using the restroom and sliding into his slippers he walked the hallway and down the stairs, rubbing the engraved Sycamore Tree on the banister out of habit as he stepped down to check the kitchen. The house remained dark throughout but when he walked out on to the back porch he saw a faint light glowing from the pool house. As he made his way across the yard he paused for a moment and looked up into the sky. He never tired of the beauty that seemed to fall around him at The Ranch and he recalled a line from a poem he had written.

“I’ve looked up at the night sky and beheld the stars so intimately close,
it was as if my grandmother had made them for me.”

The perfume of the flowers enveloped him with their luscious fragrance and he felt a peace inside that he hadn’t had in months. He knew they could make it now; they just had to talk to each other. He had to make sure she knew he could handle whatever life threw their way, and he had every intention of doing just that.

Stepping in the door of the pool house he saw the wet outline of her footprints leading back from the pool to the dressing rooms. “Lex…Lexi!” Michael called out lightly as he walked through the equipment and toys that filled the giant space. Eventually he heard the shower running and stepped in talk to her.

He couldn’t talk; he couldn’t think…all he could do was gaze at her slack jawed. Like a lust struck teenager who had snuck in a peep show for the first time. Lexi was in the shower rinsing off from her swim and Michael thought she was flawless. Her skin was luminous and the outline of the G-String bikini bottom as it outlined her hips and then disappeared so seductively between her cheeks made him instantly aroused.  She looked beautiful, sexy and the ache for her was intense. It was short lived though as unfortunately she turned off the water and reached for her towel, screaming when she saw him standing there. “Aye cabrone!” She jumped and pulled the towel in front of her, her eyes wide and hands shaking. “Hey it’s just me. I’m sorry, I called out but I guess you didn’t hear me.” “Oh my god, Michael, give me a second my heart is racing.” Looking at her up and down he said with a slight smile, “Mine is too, but not ‘cause I’m scared.” Lexi took a deep breath and exhaled as she started to laugh, Michael thought it sounded like music. The best music he had heard in ages…it was the first time she had laughed since the night before they lost Brandon. “What, what is it Michael? Why are you looking at me like that?” Lexi stepped out of the shower and pressed her body against him. Michael caressed her cheek and said, “It sounds so sweet to hear you laugh again, I missed it. I missed you.” Lexi wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a long, passionate kiss. “I missed you too. I’m sorry….for everything. I never meant to hurt you.” “Don’t…god girl, please stop apologizing to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t your fault that you…hmmm…. that we.” Michael’s voice broke but he managed to finish his thought, “that we lost him.” He held her close for a long while, all thoughts of making love to her on the cold tile forgotten for the moment until he finally spoke. “Will you go with me; I want to show you something?” Reaching up he handed her a robe from the shelf. “Where are we going?” Lexi asked as she climbed aboard the golf cart. “Watch, you’ll see…its magic.”  They headed out towards the east in his custom made golf cart the headlights bouncing along the road and Michael excited to show Lexi his surprise.

“It’s kind of chilly out here. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought you since you are still damp from the shower.” Michael pulled her close, placing a kiss on her cheek. She smiled slightly and nestled into the crook of his arm anticipating what he had brought her out to see. They lay back on the blanket and looked at the massive black sky above them. Lexi thought it looked like God had spilled his diamonds out and forgot to pick them up. They pulsed against the inky blackness and they both clutched each other tight as a meteor streaked across in front of their eyes. “Wasn’t that fantastic Lex?” Michael whispered. Looking up at him in the darkness she quietly said, “Yes, it is. It all is…I made my wish Michael. I hope it comes true one day.” The tone of her voice made him look at her quickly, “It will Babe, why wouldn’t it? Don’t you think we deserve some happiness together?” Softly kissing his neck she looked back at the sky, “I do…I really do.”

Reaching down he untied the belt on her robe and slipped his hand underneath. “I think we have a little bit of time.” He could see the faint glint of desire reflect off of her eyes as she welcomed his touch and whispered, “Good, I don’t want to miss a thing. But I have something else on my mind now too.” Michael propped himself up on his elbow and pushed her robe aside. Tenderly he began to trace over her skin with his fingers, and he enjoyed the feel of the raised flesh he felt when he found her unique erogenous zones. “You like it right here huh?” He grazed his fingers underneath her arm and along the side of her breast. Lexi answered him breathlessly, “Yes…it feels like fire.” Michael’s thumb grazed over her nipple and it was rock hard. Teasing her again with his fingers he bent down, and flicked the tip of his tongue over her peak. She pulled him close and moaned low in her throat. His soft lips caressed her as his hand continued moving until he paused and brushed back and forth below her belly button. She was delirious and she arched her back forcing her nipple deep into his mouth. Her cry of passion acknowledged her longing that was building with each touch he gave her. Swiftly removing his pajamas Michael moved on top of her, catching her hands in his and bringing them both above her head. He could feel her wetness as she moved against his stomach and he ached to penetrate her but he wanted to make her crave it, call out for it, beg him for it. Michael kissed her slowly, and with passion. He gently pulled back her bottom lip with his teeth before sweeping her mouth with his tongue. Releasing her hand he wrapped her hair around his fingers and pulled her towards him as he whispered in her ear, “I burn for you Alexis. Just like those stars above…and I wished for you on that shooting star. I wished for you to always be happy.” Lexi’s lips found his and she kissed him with a new found fervor, “I love you. Michael….I want you inside of me.” “Shhh, hold on girl.” Michael slid down her body and lay between her legs. The white of her G-String stood out in the dark and he could see the perfect outline of her hips underneath. Peeling them down her legs he spread his hands along her skin till her reached her toes. Tossing the lingerie aside he pushed her knees apart and pressed his mouth against her essence. He held her down as her hips pushed against him, his tongue lazily stroking her core that was already at its breaking point. His lips sucked and primed her and his tongue flicked and circled until she was in a dizzy combination of ecstasy and arousal. Now she was uninhibited, wild and unashamed. The begging he had thought of earlier made itself known as she struggled to keep from climaxing. “Please…I need you now.” Her cry was pleading and he could no longer resist. Grasping his throbbing shaft in his hand he moved to enter her. He wanted to be gentle to keep her from coming too soon, but Lexi craved him. Wrapping her legs around his hips she pulled him all the way in on one thrust. Her moan rang out in the night, “Ahhhh, oh Michael.” Michael fell on top of her and it took a moment for him to recover. His mind was racing and she felt so good, so perfect. Before he could move, he found himself looking up at her. Somehow she had been able to roll over and now she was riding him.  She was wild and free and moving on him with a newfound fierceness. She moved from a body roll to a stroke, her remaining inhibitions seemingly lost. Michael pulled her down and whispered in her ear, “Damn girl…you feel so good. You’re gonna make me come.” He could feel her squeeze him tighter as her walls prepared for her climax. He knew her body well and he could tell she was close, “Are you gonna come too Lex?” Michael grabbed her by her thighs and pulled her into his thrusts. She shook..Once, twice, then again…except it was a long shudder and he felt her wetness flood his shaft. Not giving her a chance to catch her breath he rolled her back over pummeling into her as her cries echoed around him. Rising onto his hands he watched her face in the dim light of the gathering dawn, she was ready again and he felt the twinge that signaled the arrival of his release. Thrusting into her he saw her rise up to meet him in the ultimate bliss, the evidence of his love carried deep inside of her.

They sat in silence as the stars started to fade away and the sun sent her glorious rays streaking across the sky. Lexi thought it looked like a painting and didn’t think she had ever seen anything quite so beautiful, he was right it really was magic. Michael closed his eyes and said a quick prayer of thanks as he rested his chin on top of her head as she leaned back against him. His last morning at Neverland for months and it was perfect, for once he didn’t feel quite so scared.

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 Sitting on the side of the stage in Munich she waited with nervous anticipation as the house lights went down and the screams of the crowd went up. The bells started to ring and then as the panther snarled Michael catapulted from beneath the stage, where when he landed perfectly… frozen like a statue. She watched him with the backdrop of the crowd as they became delirious over his presence. He stood for what seemed like hours as the crowd became more frenzied. When he finally snapped his head to the other side and took off his sunglasses, he made eye contact with her. It was like nothing else mattered for those few seconds, not the roar of the crowd, the millions of dollars spent on the show, or any other thing they had both worried about lately. It was just the two of them and their love; it was a perfect moment in time. Lexi saw his eyes soften and she smiled back her encouragement…Michael took a deep breath and tossed his sunglasses aside and the band kicked in.

It was time to Jam.    

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To be continued

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